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Events are random daily occurrences that happen in 60 parsecs, all taking place in the spaceship.  All events are told by the A.I.  If anyone speaks in the events, the A.I. is speaking the dialogue.

This page will contain spoilers for 60 Parsecs! Viewer discretion is advised.

First Day Speech

The floor is yours, Captain. You should now give a speech that will guide this vessel and its crew through the stars! You've prepared it, of course?

Everyone is really looking forward to your speech, Captain. So am I.

This is it. You can really show what breed of Captain will you be on this incredible journey. What kind of speech will you give?

  • Intelligence (Enables daily Chemical production)
    • (successful speech) You knew exactly what to say. Your convincing speech was more than enough to prove your worth as the Captain of the last human crew in the universe. That was quite a performance, Captain. Your crew started cheering even before you were finished with the speech. "Long live the Captain!" filled the cabin. If any sound could travel through the soundless void outside the hull of your ship, that would be it. One thing is for sure - you are ready for the challenge this galaxy throws at you! +morale for everyone
    • (successful speech while alone) You knew exactly what to say. Your convincing speech was more than enough to prove your worth as the Captain of the last human crew in the universe. That was quite a performance, Captain. Your heart started beating faster and things didn't seem so terrible anymore, as you listened to your own words. One thing is for sure - you are ready for any challenges life throws at you! +sanity for the captain
    • (failed speech) A clever speech sounded like a great idea. Of course that only works if the one who gave it is... well, witty enough. Your tongue suddenly stopped working and all you could utter was "*". If your intention was to distress or absolutely horrify your crew, then you've made it, Captain. They're visibly upset. I think I registered someone talking about jumping out of the airlock. -morale for everyone
    • (failed speech while alone) A clever speech sounded like a great idea. Of course, that only works if the one who gaves it is... well, witty enough. Your tongue suddenly stopped working, and all you could utter was "*". Even though you were the only one to hear this fiasco of a speech, you seemed very ashamed of it. I took the liberty of recording this historic moment, so don’t you worry - it will not be lost in time.
      • *This line randomly changes. Possible lines include:
        • "Yarp!"
        • "The earth was flat!"
        • "Cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt."
        • "How about some fresh air? Let's open the airlock!"
        • "All hail the Reptilians!"
  • Strength (Enables daily Mineral production)
    • (successful speech) On the edge of space, one can only survive if he is as tough as nails. You fit the profile, Captain, and so did your powerful speech. May all that oppose you tremble in fear. No one can stop you and your crew. That was quite a performance, Captain. Your crew started cheering even before you were finished with the speech. "Long live the Captain!" filled the cabin. If any sound could travel through the soundless void outside the hull of your ship, that would be it. One thing is for sure - you are ready for any challenge this galaxy throws at you! +morale for everyone
    • (successful speech while alone) On the edge of space, one can only survive if he is as tough as nails. You fit the profile, Captain, and so did your powerful speech. May all that oppose you tremble in fear. No one can stop you and your crew. That was quite a performance, Captain. Your heart started beating faster and things didn't seem so terrible anymore, as you listened to your own words. One thing is for sure - you are ready for any challenges life throws at you! +sanity for the captain
    • (failed speech) A strong Captain is what this crew needs. Too bad your display of power was limited to *. As far as speeches go, it was the worst one in this part of the universe. Your crew seems to be in agreement about this. Congratulations, Captain! It's day one and you have already succeeded in bringing your people together. Against a common foe, no less. -morale for everyone
    • (failed speech with one other Crewmate) A strong Captain is what this crew needs. Too bad your display of power was limited to *. Your fellow cremate was far from convinced. It is certain your words made a mark, but probably not the one you wanted. -morale for everyone
      • *This line randomly changes. Possible lines include:
        • "threatening to eat all the soup yourself."
        • "playing the strong, silent type."
        • "shouting random things like “this is a stickup” and “salty cheesecake.”"
  • Agility (Enables daily Energy production)
    • (successful speech) Never before has anyone given a speech so determined and to the point. Not any space captain, at least. you spoke of making your own luck and surviving. It really sounded like you knew what you were talking about. Did you?... That was quite a performance, Captain. Your crew started cheering even before you were finished with the speech. "Long live the Captain!" filled the cabin. If any sound could travel through the soundless void outside the hull of your ship, that would be it. One thing is for sure - you are ready for any challenge this galaxy throws at you! +morale for everyone
    • (successful speech while alone) Never before has anyone given a speech so determined and to the point. Not any space captain, at least. you spoke of making your own luck and surviving. It really sounded like you knew what you were talking about. Did you?... That was quite a performance, Captain. Your heart started beating faster and things didn't seem so terrible anymore, as you listened to your own words. One thing is for sure - you are ready for any challenges life throws at you! +sanity for the captain
    • (failed speech) Elaborating on the survival against all odds angle would have seem quite a choice for a speech. Unfortunately, you decided to waffle on about * and a few other problems of an existential nature. Your crew seems to be in agreement about this. Congratulations, Captain! It's day one and you have already succeeded in bringing your people together. Against a common foe, no less. -morale for everyone
      • *This line randomly changes. Possible lines include:
        • "that time you were not the Captain, and it was the best time of your life,"
        • "the lack of spare pants,"
        • "the superiority of potato corn chowder over tomato soup,"
        • "how you miss waffles,"


Task Assignments

Sometimes depending on how many crewmates you have, you can get events where you can have crewmates check out certain things, this has the added benefit that depending on what task you gave a crewmate, they'll produce daily resources regardless of event success, as long as they're in the shuttle, alive, and not insubordinate.


Routine Supply Check

Captain, it's important to keep yourself and your crew well fed. One portion of delicious, canned soup is enough to sustain a human for a few days. Even one can could be the difference between life and death. Don't forget to keep good inventory of your stock. Unless you want to eat your own crewmates. Ha-ha, that was a joke. Please appreciate it and laugh. Thank you for your cooperation, Captain.

Who will perform the routine supply check? The only requirement is simple mathematics. I realise I might be asking a lot, but I have a good feeling about this crew, Captain.


  • (successful supply check, alternative #1) Good news, Captain! This shuttle came pre-stocked with an emergency food supply. Use it well. [+1~3 Soup] The routine supply check is now complete. Well, well... look at that. The numbers add up! Good job, human crew. The current number of soup cans on board is: *. Correction, the accurate tally is actually: **. [+1~3 soup]. Additional foodstuffs were delivered to this shuttle, instead of entertainment supplies. Lucky you!
    • This number represents the amount of soup you have after adding the 1~3 (randomly generated) can(s) from the emergency food supply.
        • This number represents the amount of soup you have after adding BOTH the can(s) from the emergency food supply and the additional can(s) of soup.
  • (successful supply check, alternative #2) The routine supply check is now complete. Well, well... look at that. The numbers add up! Good job, human crew. The current number of soup cans on board is: *. Correction, the accurate tally is actually: **. [+1~3 soup]. Additional foodstuffs were delivered to this shuttle, instead of entertainment supplies. Lucky you!
    • *This number represents the amount of soup you currently have.
    • ** This number represents the amount of soup you have after adding the 1~3 additional can(s) of soup.


  • (failed supply check, alternative #1) Good news, Captain! This shuttle came pre-stocked with an emergency food supply. Use it well. [+1~3 soup] The routine supply check is now complete. And... does not compute! An error was made! That's what I get for trusting humans to do math... [-1 soup] Some of the supplies went missing and the current number of soup cans on board is: *.
    • *This number represents the amount of soup you have after adding the 1~3 can(s) from the emergency food supply and subtracting the 1 can that went missing.
  • (failed supply check, alternative #2) The routine supply check is now complete. And... does not compute! An error was made! That's what I get for trusting humans to do math... [-1 soup] Some of the supplies went missing and the current number of soup cans on board is: *.
    • *This number represents the amount of soup you have after subtracting the 1 can that went missing.


No matter the result of the supply check, the crewmate you assigned to perform the supply check will be promoted to Payload Officer. This means that, as long as that crewmate stays alive and maintains a high enough morale, they will produce a small amount of minerals for your crew each day.

Oral Hygiene


Captain, you've neglected your oral hygiene and haven't brushed your teeth in a while. So, now you need to pull that nasty tooth before it gets worse. Don't worry, it's only going to hurt a little, and there might be a complimentary sticker in it for you.


As per protocol, the necessary tools were automatically dispensed – one piece of string and one bottle of... anesthetic? It has the Astrocitizen logo, and "Anesteteek" handwritten on it. Will you require an assistant for this surgery?


  • Yourself
    • (successful) You made a knot around your tooth and tied the other end of the string to your chair. Then, you took a big whiff of the anesthetic and leaped back... The surgery was a success! A complimentary sticker has been awarded. I think the anesthetic had a little something extra in it. You feel much tougher after this whole ordeal. presumably +sanity for the Captain
    • (failure) You made a knot around your tooth and tied the other end of the string to your chair. Then, you took a big whiff of the anesthetic and leaped back… The tooth came out cleanly, but you cried like a baby. To alleviate the pain and shock, you drank the anesthetic straight from the bottle. You passed out and woke up a few hours later, complaining about feeling weak and numb everywhere. I’m sad to say you missed out on a complimentary sticker. Those are only for the brave Captains.
  • A Crewmate
    • (successful) ?
    • (failure) You took it like a champ, but a terrified and disgusted [Crewmate's Name] went into shock and insisted on drinking the whole bottle of anesthetic to "calm [his/her] nerves." [Crewmate's Name] passed out after downing the suspicious liquid and woke up much later, feeling slow and sluggish. Uh oh, did you check the expiration date on that bottle? presumably -health for the assigned Crewmate


Unknown Transmissions


Your attention is required, Captain. This is most abnormal. We are registering unknown transmissions, but I cannot identify who is sending them, and more importantly, what they contain. It might be a solar flare interference, or worse... a new type of Soviet encryption! We need to decipher these signals as soon as possible. For all we know our survival depends on it. Who do you want to put in charge of monitoring these communications?



  • (successful): Captain, you need to see this! I am not easily excited, but this is one of the greatest moments for humanity and human-made AI alike! We are not alone in this universe! The signals we intercepted were finally decrypted. They are alien transmissions! As in, coming from other life forms! And no, I do not mean the Reds. It's something we have never seen before. There seems to be a number of intelligent civilizations in this galaxy. The signals are coming from everywhere. We can safely assume we are going to meet some of them, sooner or later. Our, or rather, your life will never be the same, Captain!
  • (failure): Nothing nothing nothing. We failed to track that signal. Better luck next time captain!

The crewmate you assigned to do the communications check will be promoted to Communications Officer. This allows them to produce a small supply of power each day (as long as they are alive and not insubordinate).

Cosmic Gas


Captain, we are now entering a field of cosmic gas. Its origin is unknown, though I have a theory... uh oh. Can you smell that? Did someone forget to brush their teeth today?


No, it's just that gas leaking inside the shuttle. Somebody could try to isolate some of the gas to use later, avoiding the leak's side effects!


  • Yourself
    • (successful) The cosmic gas leak has been contained. Your ongoing exposure could've resulted in... maybe best if you don't know. What's important is that you've isolated enough of the gas for us to rework it into useful chemicals. Smart! +25 Chemicals
    • (failure) Oh, dear. You were unsuccessful in isolating the cosmic gas leak, and my readings indicate that its volume is reaching critical levels! The gas came into a reaction with some of our resources, making a portion of them unusable. We are out of the space cloud now, so there shouldn't be any more losses. -an amount of Chemicals, Minerals, and/or Power
  • A Crewmate
    • (successful) [Crewmate's Name] did a great job containing the gas leaking inside the shuttle. [He/She] also succeeded in isolating enough of the gas for us to rework it into useful chemicals. Smart! +25 Chemicals
    • (failure) Unfortunately, [Crewmate's Name] failed at isolating the cosmic gas leak, and now my readings indicate that its volume is reaching critical levels! The gas came into a reaction with some of our resources, making a portion of them unusable. We are out of the space cloud now, so there shouldn't be any more losses. -an amount of Chemicals, Minerals, and/or Power


If the crew you assigned succeeds in this event, he/she will be promoted to Science Officer. As long as that crewmate stays alive and not rebellious, they produce small amounts of chemicals every day.


Any Volunteers For A Workout?


Long-term space travel presents many risks to one's physical well-being, from muscular atrophy, to laziness, to diets notoriously high in sodium. I'm concerned about the decline I've seen in the entire crew's* physical fitness since our little sojourn began.


I recommend a daily regimen of movements that use only your own bodyweight. You don't need any equipment for those, just gravity. Or, artificial gravity. Any volunteers for a workout?


  • Yourself
    • (successful) Impeccable form, Captain! Pull-ups, planks, squats, and lunges in THIS environment? You even added extra weight by lifting the spare parts for the shuttle! Sweaty and roaring, you crushed that workout like an empty can of soup. You truly are a model Astrocitizen. The automated system predicted benefits for being a model Astrocitizen. A hidden dispenser opened and spit out two soup cans. I'm sorry to report these are the only two surplus cans hidden aboard this ship. OR ARE THEY? +2 Soup
    • (failure) Captain, your form was abysmal. Push-ups and planks don’t require THAT much strength - at least, it’s the bare minimum required to be a Model Astrocitizen. You felt hungrier after that workout, but no caloric rewards could be given. Those are for the strong people. -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for the Captain.
  • A Crewmate
    • (successful) [Crewmate's Name] ’s form was impeccable! Pull-ups, planks, squats, and lunges in THIS environment? He/She even added weight by lifting the spare parts for the shuttle! Sweaty and roaring, [Crewmate's Name] crushed that workout like an empty can of soup. The automated system predicted benefits for being a model Astrocitizen. A hidden dispenser opened and spit out two soup cans. I'm sorry to report these are the only two surplus cans hidden aboard this ship. OR ARE THEY? +2 Soup
    • (failure) Captain, [Crewmate's Name]'s form was abysmal. Push-ups and planks don't require THAT much strength – at least, it's the bare minimum required to be a Model Astrocitizen. [Crewmate's Name] felt hungrier after that workout, but no caloric rewards could be given. Those are for the strong people. -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for the assigned Crewmate.



Cowthulu


I'm worried about some of the crew member. A few of them have been suffering vivid nightmares the past few nights, waking up each morning complaining someone named "Cowthulu" is commanding them to worship it.

I've been picking up a steady, unintelligible broadcast from the ruins ever since we crashed here. It may interfere with human brain waves, specifically the subconscious, including negative emotions. I want to run a test to see if positive thinking will counter this broadcast. Who would you like to test first?


* this event is specific to the planet Mootopia


  • Yourself
    • (successful) ?
    • (failure) You tried positive thinking to nullify the weird broadcast's effects, but your will was too weak. You simply couldn't think your way out of this one, and the nightmares continued. I decoded the broadcast. It was an ad for an ancient radio drama, "The Call of Cowthulu." The advertisers tried mimicking the story's plot, in which an eldritch cow monster makes people go crazy by appearing to them in dreams. But, knowing this didn't help. -sanity for the Captain
  • A Crewmate
    • ?


Blue Veiny Fruit


Captain, a crewmate spotted a blue veiny fruit growing out of a crack in the ground nearby. It is pulsating slightly.


Should someone give the fruit a try? Normally I'd refrain from leaving such a rash and irresponsible decision up to a human, but there are some empty stems nearby... perhaps it is edible.


  • Yourself / Yes (while alone)
    • You decided that the blue fruit near the ship was worth trying. Your face gluttonous with pleasure as you sunk your teeth in... before quickly turning to horror. The other half was full of purple, wriggling worms! You began trying to spit it out, but fell into a spasm... ...And woke a few minutes later, saying your mind was buzzing as if at double speed. You flipped into a handstand and began perambulating around! Clearly those worms did something. Let's hope the effects don't turn...
  • A Crewmate
    • You announced that the strange little fruit near the ship was worth trying out and [Crewmate's Name]'s hand shot up. However, the joyous look on [his/her] face as [he/she] sunk [his/her] teeth in quickly turned to horror. The remaining half was full of wriggling purple worms! [He/She] began trying to spit it out, but fell into a spasm... And woke up a few minutes later, saying [his/her] mind was buzzing off as if at double speed. [He/She] flipped a handstand and parambulated around the shuttle. Clearly those worms did something. Let's hope the effects don't turn. possibly +health for the assigned Crewmate?
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • No (while alone)
    • You decided we should steer clear of the veiny fruit growing just outside the shuttle. My logic boards agreed with that decision, Captain! Trying it yourself would have been, indeed, a phenomenally fruity decision. To boot, the following day we found the stuff half-chewed by some nocturnal creature. Within the thin shell were countless writhing, purple worms! The fruit was fetid!

Backey


[Sir/Ma'am]‚ something has infected Backey, my backup AI module. Perhaps it's interference from somewhere on this planet.


Frankly, Backey needs a reboo... He's overloading the fan system! Someone agile should leap up and – BZZT – HI, FOLKS. IT'S TOO WARM IN THIS TIN CAN, AND BACKEY'S HERE TO FIX IT! I'LL BECOME YOUR BIGGEST FAN HA. HA.


  • Yourself
    • (successful) That was a close call, Captain [Captain's Surname]! Backey had malfunctioned, and was overspinning one of our fans! You asked a crewmate to boost you up and you yanked the fan's housing. The blades slowed to a stop. I must keep a tighter leash on Backey in the future... he's more of a superficial intelligence.
    • (successful while alone) ?
    • (failure) ?
  • A Crewmate
    • (successful) ?
    • (failure) ?


Power Surge in the Crafting Module

Captain, something's not right. There's an uncontrolled power surge in the Crafting Module. I cannot do anything to stop it. This is no accident. It's sabotage!

Someone needs to fix it immediately, or it's going to blow! HURRY!

  • Yourself
    • (successful) Amazing, Captain! Not only did you stop the power surge in the Crafting Module, but you also upgraded it in the process! Crafting Module is now upgraded 1 level
    • (successful, if the crafting module has already been upgraded to level 3) Amazing, Captain! Not only did you stop the power surge in the Crafting Module, but you also retrieved some leftover resources in the process! +Some resources
    • (failed) I know you thought you are able to fix things, Captain. We all did, but clearly that was not the case. The Crafting Module exploded, and you exploded with it. That’s a wrap. -Captain, and game over.
  • A Crewmate
    • (successful) [Crewmate's Name] to the rescue! His/Her swift action saved the day, and the sabotaged Crafting System. Who could have thought all it took was unplugging the power cable. The Crafting Module needs to restart, but it should be up and running tomorrow. The crafting module will be unavailable for one day.
    • (failed) I have bad news and I have bad news. Which do you want first? The bad news is, the Crafting Module blew up. A bit. It will take a couple of days to fix it. Also, [Crewmate's Name] blew up. Sending him/her to stop the explosion was a bad idea. The crafting module will be unavailable for several days. The assigned Crewmate is now injured.


Want To Do Good In The Universe?


Captain, we've stopped moving. An automaton is tethering us. I'll play its transmission on the main display: "Want to do good in the universe? The fluffscales need your help!"


A picture of an animal - a fluffscale, presumably - fills the screen. It's a cross between a wild hog, roadkill, and a snake. The roadkill looks at you expectantly. "Since their masters went extinct, fluffscales suffer freedom. Unaccustomed, they are on the verge of dying. Donate soup to poor fluffscales! All it takes is one can, and I will gratefully let you go." What do we do, Captain?


  • Shovel
    • You had no sympathy for the fluffscales. You dangled out the airlock and hit the fundraising automaton hard with a shovel, but it’s your words that made a bigger impression. When the robot heard you yell about the hardship of your travels, it expressed sympathy and started sharing its resources with you immediately. Then it took pictures of you. It vowed to campaign for metals on humankind’s behalf. “I will not rest until each human can shield itself from nuclear radiation!” it proclaimed boldly and left. Chances are high, your image evokes much more pity than a fluffscale. +20 Minerals
  • Sock Puppet
    • You found no compassion for the fluffscales. You attempted to reason with the automaton that held us in its grip. You held up a dusty, hole-ridden sock as a symbol of your own suffering. The fluffscales should rejoice and not fear their newfound freedom! You campaigned on our behalf, and the role reversal took the automaton by surprise. It agreed to donate all the chemicals it owned to us. When you asked for more, it kept nodding, backed away slowly, then turned on the engines and ran. It took your lucky sock as a souvenir, it seems... -Sock Puppet, +25 Chemicals
  • Soup
    • The transmission about suffering fluffscales clearly moved you. The automaton seemed genuinely surprised when you approached with a can. Apparently the most typical response involved weapons, and you were the first to donate. Overjoyed, the automaton shared some of its battery power with you, and promised more if you referred it to friends. You tried to describe Earth and how to get there, but you got too emotional with your story. With the grace and social manners of a powerdrill, the automaton turned around and sped away without a word. -1 Soup, +20 Power
  • Nothing
    • The campaigning automaton spoke about the suffering of the fluffscales. You did what most of the human race does when they encounter a fundraiser; you ignored it. The automaton tried its best, but met with indifference so firm, Easter Island statues would seem like cheerleaders in comparison. Finally, it gave up and departed.


Events: In Space (all may need confirmation)

These events can only occur when your crew is in space (and not yet landed on a planet).

Supernova


Alert! A star just went supernova in this quadrant. Huge gravitational waves will reach us soon. Spacetime will stretch and contract, gravity will fluctuate greatly, and, most importantly, I will weigh up to 3 tonnes and transmit slower!


The ship's hull should hold, but the things inside are much squishier; human bodies included. One of the Albert monkeys shot into space never regained his normal density after a wave, remaining light and very wind-dependent till the end of his days. You need a plan on how to survive this!

  • Agility
    • (successful) You secured everything tight, and turned off the ship's gravity to let the waves swipe through with minimal interaction. You stayed alert, moving gracefully in zero-g, proving monkeys were not needed in space. Then the gravitational waves hit. You saw the hull stretch and contract as if it was a bubble gum in some cosmic brat's mouth. A screw started coming loose in the window but you managed to reach it in time. The gravitational tsunami ended as abruptly as it begun. It left you feeling like a thin giant.
    • (failure) You secured everything tight, then turned off the ship’s gravity to let the waves swipe through with minimal interaction. Then the gravitational waves hit. You saw the hull stretch and contract as if it was bubble gum in some cosmic brat’s mouth. A screw started coming loose in the window. You drifted towards it shakily, bumping into a can of soup. It followed the wave, stretching further and further, then burst. Red tomato-soup amoebas reached the wall with an undignified splat. You secured the window just in time. - 1 Soup
  • Strength
    • (successful) You turned the ship's gravity to the max to minimize the impact of the wave. The strong pull kept you flat on the floor. 2Then the gravitational waves hit. You saw the hull stretch and contract as if it was a bubble gum in some cosmic brat's mouth. A screw started coming loose in the window but you managed to reach it in time. The gravitational tsunami ended as abruptly as it begun. It left you feeling like a thin giant.
    • (failure) You turned the ship's gravity to the max to minimize the impact of the wave. The strong pull kept you flat on the floor. Then the gravitational waves hit. The hull stretched and contracted like bubble gum in some cosmic brat's mouth. A screw stretched loose off the window, and you tried running toward it. Gravity won. You crawled slowly, feeling the floor stretch under your fingers. You saved the ship, but moving through gravity waves so long stretched your stomach. That's why you feel so hungry. -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for Captain.


Space Toilet


Captain, I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is that using the airlock as a space toilet was a success! It's now packed full and ready to be emptied into space. The bad news is that the airlock hatch is jammed. If you don't fix it soon, our clogged toilet will quickly become an extinction level event.


It's now or never, Captain. How will you save the human race?


  • Tape
    • The duct tape saved the day, Captain! The airlock hatch is now fully operational and the troublesome "cargo" is gone. We are safe! I'm certain the smell will go away too. Someday. Your people are safe, Captain. What a relief for all of you. +sanity for everyone
  • Nothing
    • Doing nothing about the airlock-toilet was risky, Captain. Lucky for you, the door unjammed on its own, eventually – probably because the odour build-up made it corrosive. Too bad about all the health hazards it caused. But then again, it's a 100% human problem, which makes it 100% yours and exactly 0% mine. chance of -health for everyone


Doppelgänger

An intruder has appeared in our hull! He is waving a gun in one hand, while the other clutches a nasty wound. It's... you! He looks and moves just the way you do!

Your doppelgänger screams that he is from a parallel reality, a different timeline of the same world. He demands help and resources, threatening to shoot you if you don't comply. What will you do?

  • Artifact
    • You talked to the alternative [Captain's Full Name] down easily, handling both of yourselves like a pro. While he spoke, you discreetly pointed the artifact at him and focused. [First name] disappeared in a flash of light. He left the gun behind. I'm sorry you couldn't meet under better circumstances. I'm sure that, given a chance, you would've liked yourself a lot. +Gun
  • First Aid Kit
    • You decided to help the [Captain's Full Name] from the alternate reality. You took care of hit would as you discussed each other's experiences. It was odd... but, nice. When the alternate [First name] spoke about his life, you reached out to pat him on the back, but when your bodies touched, he disappeared. I know there is a lot you didn't get to say. But aren't you glad to know he exists, and wishes you well? - First Aid Kit
  • Nothing
    • You decided not to help the alternate reality version of [Captain's Full Name]. Stands to reason. If he needed something, then you will likely need it, too. The alternate [First name] didn't take kindly to that approach, holding you at gunpoint and demanding soup. He swiftly devoured a whole can The he threatened to take more, and he shoved you. When you two touched, the alternate [First name] disappeared. How strange must the other reality be for someone like you to act this way, I wonder? - Soup


Captain Cerberus's Cosmic Carnival


[Sir/Ma'am], do you hear that? 'Roll up, roll up, for Captain Cerberus's Cosmic Carnival! Can you shave a skoat's eyeballs within 30 tachyonds? Can you answer our pop quiz at 10 g's? Try your hand and win valuable prizes!' There's a floating pangalactic funfair outside! Two games look pertinent: a zero-g wire loop game and a space-time bending maze. Test your dexterity or your mind?


  • Intelligence
    • (successful) Before Captain Cerberus's Cosmic Carnival flew off, you decided to try the Zorbator's Labyrinth... An endless looping wormhole maze stalked by the many-mouthed Zorbator. You stayed focused and swiftly found the route out! The twelve-foot clown costume running the show awarded you with... a coupon for a 13 tog duvet.
    • (successful, If you didn't have a battery the day before) Before Captain Cerberus's Cosmic Carnival flew off, you decided to try the Zorbator's Labyrinth... An endless looping wormhole maze stalked by the many-mouthed Zorbator. You stayed focused and swiftly found the route out! The manager (a sentient clown costume) begrudgingly handed over a battery. +Battery
  • Agility
    • (successful, alternative #1) Before Captain Cerberus’s Cosmic Carnival flew off, you decided to try a steady-hand challenge. Wire-loop in hand, you followed the endless spirals and corkscrews that ran around the zero-g chamber. Like an astronautical acrobat, you made it! The scowling squid-like manager begrudgingly handed over some armor! +Armor
    • (successful, alternative #2) Before Captain Cerberus’s Cosmic Carnival flew off, you decided to try a steady-hand challenge. Wire-loop in hand, you followed the endless spirals and corkscrews that ran around the zero-g chamber. Like an astronautical acrobat, you made it! The scowling, squid-like manager begrudgingly handed over a sock! +The Sock
    • (successful, if you had both armor and socks the day before) Before Captain Cerberus’s Cosmic Carnival flew off, you decided to try a steady-hand challenge. Wire-loop in hand, you followed the endless spirals and corkscrews that ran around the zero-g chamber. Like an astronautical acrobat, you made it! Then the squid-like manager gave you a coupon for a 40 tog duvet. How useful.
    • (failure) Before Captain Cerberus’s Cosmic Carnival flew off, you tried a steady-hand challenge. It turned out to be one which delivers an electric shock when you fail… Which you did. And the shock was clearly configured for a bigger being than you. You came back to us frazzled and dazed… but alive. -health for Captain

A.S.T.R.O.'s Communist Love


[He/she] could be the one to my zeros. The signal to my noise. I've been transmitting with an abandoned shuttle I spotted nearby. [He/she] has just agreed to meet me! Us, I meant us. You have to say yes, Captain. [He/she] is drifting and has no crew, so [he/she] offered to share [his/her] resources.


Just one problem... [He/she]'s a communist. [He/she] believes we are too. [He/she] blinded me with [his/her] thrusters and it just came out. [He/she]'s not a bad shuttle though, [he/she] just wants us to take pride in the computations we do. If you want [his/her] resources, you will have to go along with this. Share a common soup with [him/her]. Tell [him/her] you're very social and love the Party. Please, Captain?


*The abandoned shuttle can use either he/him or she/her pronouns, something which is seemingly decided at random.


  • Soup
    • (successful): Thank you for agreeing to fly to the abandoned shuttle and for pretending to be a communist. It meant a lot to me. [-1 soup] I think it was your willingness to share soup that sold it. Thank you for not rushing me... I could have shared data with [him/her] for hours. When we docked into [his/her] bay and [he/she] sent input into my algorithms, time slowed down and I think I counted in base-8 (note: base-8 is a word for the octal numeral system widely used in computing, and may also be a play on the romantic/sexual "base system"). We both agreed to part ways as friends. This is space, after all. [He/she] was very generous with [his/her] resources, so you have nothing to complain about. [+40 Chemicals] -1 soup, +40 Chemicals
    • (failure): Thank you for agreeing to fly to the abandoned shuttle and for pretending to be a communist. It meant a lot to me. [-1 soup] I should've known you'd make a terrible communist, though. When you approached, shouting "Hello, fellow Comrade!" with a strong accent, [he/she] saw right through you. Do not apologise, you should be proud of who you are. The shuttle was so offended, [he/she] shot at us! [He/she] was a civilian vessel, though, so [he/she] shot at us with random, non-dangerous objects. Look, I brought some of them in. [+10 Chemicals] -1 soup, +10 Chemicals


  • Nothing:
    • I understand why you didn't want to have anything to do with that communist shuttle. I appreciate your integrity Captain, I do. And it is probably safer this way. It's just... Wouldn't you regret not finding out what could have been? Ah, I am going to miss [his/her] sweet data transfers in the morning... no change


Floating Container


Captain, there is something you need to see! The scanners have picked up a container floating in our vicinity. I wonder what's inside...?


What now, Captain? Should we try to pull the container on board?


  • Yes
    • (alternative #1) That mysterious cargo the scanners spotted yesterday is now on board. Opening the box in 3... 2... 1... It's empty! Completely empty. What a let-down.
    • (alternative #2) That mysterious cargo the scanners spotted yesterday is now on board. Opening the box in 3... 2... 1... Oh, a battery! Or at least something that seems to work like a battery. Don't you wonder what the story is there, Captain? One thing's for sure. We are not alone out here... +Battery
    • (alternative #3) That mysterious cargo the scanners spotted yesterday is now on board. Opening the box in 3... 2... 1... The container was filled with cables. Not just a few cables – MILES of cables. They were everywhere. They were tied all around each other. Getting through them was a nightmare. But it was worth it – on the bottom of this hellish crate of cables was one cable attached to something useful. A communication device! +Communicator
    • (alternative #4) That mysterious cargo the scanners spotted yesterday is now on board. Opening the box in 3... 2... 1... Look! There is something inside the container. A light? It's flashing! Something is beeping! If we were to guess what it was, a bomb would have made the top 5 of our list. A bomb? Oh sh... chance of someone or everyone got hurt.
    • (alternative #5) That mysterious cargo the scanners spotted yesterday is now on board. Opening the box in 3... 2... 1... While pulling down the damn cargo container in we did not follow standard Astrocitizen protocol. If you want to perish in outer space, Captain, that's your choice. But be so kind as to not take anyone else with you. Or any of our equipment for that matter, like you did just now. Randomly lose 1 equipment.
    • (alternative #6)That mysterious cargo the scanners spotted yesterday is now on board. Opening the box in 3... 2... 1... While inspecting the container you found something odd. It had Astrocitizen markings on it. Of course! This is the first ever probe, Sent out by the Astrocitizen Program into deep space. It contained a message of peace and an offering from the people of the Earth- a container filled with tomato soup cans. A universal message of peace, by any standard. +1~3 Soup
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • No
    • The mysterious cargo that the scanners spotted yesterday is no longer in range. You've lost your chance to pull it on board. It could have been a trap... or it could have been your salvation. You will never know. Maybe it's for the best. One thing's for sure. We are not alone out here...


Collision Course

Attention, Captain! We're on a collision course with an asteroid!


There is no avoiding it! Brace for impact! You need to protect yourself!


  • Armor
    • A stray asteroid grazed the ship! The impact was sudden and violent, sending most of the equipment flying. Things looked dire, but thankfully, you managed to avoid any serious injuries. That's quite a mess! A few systems came apart. You tried putting them back together, but even after slotting everything in the right place, you were still left with additional parts. One of them turned out to be a battery. That will come in handy. +Battery
  • Nothing
    • Impact! A stray asteroid collided with the ship! Everything went flying left and right. Damage report pending... Things calmed down eventually, but you were seriously hurt, Captain. The wounds probably won’t get better on their own. Why don’t you fix them up, before the next rock hits us. Other members of your crew were hurt as well. -health for everyone, chance of someone or everyone got hurt.


Space-Faring Potatoes

I cannot believe my own cameras. A dozen potatoes just sped past us. Captain, you need to see this! Now you can see leeks, frozen at near-zero degrees Kelvin, gliding majestically between our stabilizers. One drifts too close, and shatters into myriad glistening pieces, like hundreds of tiny diamonds.


Space-faring potatoes are part of the Farmers' Day celebrations on the far away planet of Katroshok. "We shoot for the stars" their transmission says. It also mentions a sister planet, Pomodoria, that will repeat the event soon. We should try to fish those celebratory tomatoes out of space. But how?


  • Strength
    • (successful) Celebratory tomatoes were shot into space by the farmers of Pomodoria. You unscrewed a wall panel to use as a giant racket – a tomato-catcher of sorts. Incoming fruit smashed into the panel, and like a piranha victim, you disappeared in a red cloud. Most of the pulp stuck to the metal sheet, easy to scrape off. The tomatoes are stored safely now. Defrosted, boiled and poured into cans, they should make for an excellent meal. Congratulations Captain, you've created soup! +2 soup
    • (failure) I thought your plan to use the loose wall panel as a tomato-catcher had merit. It would have worked, if you were able to lift it. Maneuvering large objects in space is not your forte, though. You ended up pelted with tomatoes white the tomato-catcher remained spotless. If there was a stabbing near a polka dot wall, there still would be less splatter than you had on your suit when you came back inside. None of the tomatoes survived the carnage though, so we will have to do without them. Now please wash your self, you’re dripping tomatoes all over the deck.
  • Agility
    • (successful) Celebratory tomatoes were shot into space by the farmers of Pomodoria. You warmed up, stretched tenaciously, and shot into space around the shuttle repeatedly like a graceful yoyo. You picked those tiny cherry tomatoes one by one as they flew by, hunger adding to your dexterity. The tomatoes are stored safely now. Defrosted, boiled and poured into cans, they should make for an excellent meal. Congratulations Captain, you've created soup! +2 soup
    • (failure) Celebratory tomatoes were shot into space by the farmers of Pomodoria. Tethered to the ship, you shot in their direction time and time again, like an impatient yoyo. I now believe trying to pick them by hand was a bad idea. We will speak about a coordination regime for you later. You got pelted with tomatoes! If there was a stabbing near a polka dot wall, there still would be less splatter than you had on your suit when you came back inside. None of the tomatoes survived the carnage though, so we will have to do without them. Now please wash yourself, you're dripping tomatoes all over the deck.


Scavenge The Ruined Ship


I'm detecting a massive cylindrical object not far from here.


It's alien in origin. No life forms, but there could still be supplies. How will you scavenge the ruined ship?


  • Intelligence
    • (alternative #1) You cautiously explored the derelict alien vessel, searching for supplies. The rest of the crew came with you as support, but when you all started hearing things, it was time to retreat. The sensors didn’t detect any life forms… so, whose laughter was that echoing in the dark?
    • (alternative #2) You cautiously explored the derelict alien vessel searching for supplies. The rest of the crew came with you, acting as support. But you found only dust and shadows. Actually, there was a lot of dust… Wait. Isn’t dust mostly shed skin? It looked fresh… Anyway, sleep tight!
  • Agility
    • (alternative #1)
    • (alternative #1, With 1 crew member) You explored the derelict alien vessel, searching for supplies. [Crewmate's Name] came with you for support, but when you both nearly slipped on a pool of something warm and sticky, you decided to retreat. You brought something back with you from the abandoned shit. [Crewmate's Name] had to drag your sick butt back to the shuttle. You caught a parasite. -health for the Captain
    • (alternative #2, With 1 crew member) You quickly ran through the derelict alien vessel searching for supplies. [Crewmate's Name] came with you as support. But you found only shadows and dust. Actually, there was a lot of dust. [Crewmate's Name] nearly slipped on a big patch of it. Wait. Isn’t dust mostly shed skin…?


PLEASE Put Some Sunscreen On


This shuttle lacks the EM shielding found on larger vessels. Put simply, it was never meant for long-term space travel. There are some inherent risks, namely to your skin.


Remember how your mom always told you to wear sunscreen at the beach? You're WAY more likely to get a sunburn out here, where there's no atmosphere to protect you. Will you please, please, PLEASE put some sunscreen on?


  • First Aid Kit
    • You put on sunscreen to avoid exposure to the harsh electromagnetic rays flying wantonly through the vacuum of space. Sure, it feels like slathering your skin with warm mayonnaise... but you understand now that all those nagging grownups in your childhood were only trying to help. Putting on sunscreen afforded you such peace of mind, you decided to make another batch. You mixed zinc oxide with some other minerals, and poof, sunscreen. No more burns, no more tears. Okay, maybe more tears, but at least they won't be because of your lobster-skin. +25 Chemicals (note: you do not lose your First Aid Kit with this option)
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • Nothing
    • You did not wear sunscreen to block the harsh electromagnetic rays flying wantonly through the vacuum of space. You claimed that sunscreen makes you break out. I can't verify if this is true or false, seeing as I'm an A.I. and have never experienced a pimple. Your skin is radiating heat, you're complaining of fatigue, and you've got that telltale crimson glow that's the trademark of a developing sunburn. Too late now. You'll just have to wait, and hope we exit this bad patch of radiation soon. Aloe vera could help, if we had any. Enjoy being a lobster. -Strength for the Captain


Virus Transmission


Oh, no... I've been hacked! The virus came in a transmission from that small asteroid. It's taking over the flight controls and steering us away...

Help, Captain! Get it out of me!


  • Strength
    • (successful) You gave the virus no time to spread. You and your crew ripped the drive out. I can still feel it, as if it was a phantom limb, the data on it itching to be used again. Don't worry, I keep backups. I am healthy and whole again. Thank you, Captain. We checked the asteroid from which the virus originated. It was actually an alien supply warehouse. Fortunately for us, soup is universal! +2 soup
    • (failure) The virus released a toxin into the air, incapacitating you for quite a while. Glad you all woke up. You ripped the drive clean off right before you fell. I can still feel its presence, as if it were a phantom limb, the data on it itching to be used again. Don't worry, I keep backups. everyone is now injured
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • Intelligence
    • (successful) You and crew plugged an emergency console into the disc and quarantined the virus. I am healthy and whole again. Thank you, Captain. We checked the asteroid from which the virus originated. It was actually an alien supply warehouse. Fortunately for us, soup is universal! +2 soup
    • (failure) You and your crew plugged an emergency console into the hard drive to delete the virus... or, so you thought. Captain, that was a power outlet. The short-circuit damaged the system. It took me six hours and a considerable chunk of our resources to fix the issue. On the bright side, your mistake fried the hard drive instantly. The virus is gone. -10 Minerals, -10 Power, -10 Chemicals (if available)
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]


Unidentified Floating Object


Captain, we'll soon be passing an unidentified floating object. Visuals should be available any minute. There it is... no, that's a speck of dirt on the screen. The other barely-distinguishable dot.


Yes, that one. It's an asteroid of fascinating composition. If we broke a piece of it off, it would serve us well! It also projects energy. We could siphon its power, using science instead of force.


  • Strength
    • (successful) You suited up and went out to apply direct force to the crystal formation. With just a few hits, you separated a significant chunk. The crystal’s glow dissipated before you brought it on board. Not to worry, we can still use it for raw materials. Too bad we couldn’t harvest more. +20 Minerals
    • (failure) You gathered your tools and went out as we passed the asteroid. Things didn’t go as planned. You didn’t manage to break a piece off, and instead were zapped by an unexpected output of energy. One of the tools you carried took most of the discharge. We aborted the mission to avoid further mishaps. A shame, but at least you’re in one piece! One piece of equipment will break randomly.
  • Intelligence
    • (successful) As we passed the crystal asteroid, the power harvesting was a-go! Using the shuttle’s outer systems, we siphoned a lot of energy from the rock. It was wonderful! What an achievement. If I sound excited, that’s because the excess power I’m rerouting feels... amazingly mega-great! +20 Power
    • (failure) As we passed the crystal asteroid, the power harvest started. You were debating who should be the one to press a very important button, and the argument made you miss that entire step of the operation. In effect, the entirety of the siphoned energy dissipated in transport, and we won't be able to use it, I'm afraid.


Super Fancy Tractor Beam


Captain, I'm picking up a large object of unknown origin not far from us. There could be supplies inside... or maybe even other intelligent life. There's only one way to find out.


Should I activate our Super Fancy Tractor Beam. Yes, that's its official name. Charlene from Astrocitizen HQ won the naming rights at the Christmas Raffle.


  • Yes
    • You pulled the mysterious, hollow space-thing aboard and opened it. Unfortunately, the astronaut hiding inside had long since perished. Decomposition in space is interesting, Captain. I gathered many useful dat... no, you're right. I'm sorry. May he rest in peace. Everyone on board suffered mentally from the experience. You kept muttering "It could have been me". I'm confused by your hypotheticals, Captain. It still could! -sanity for everyone
  • No
    • You decided to let the unidentified, hollow, extremely interesting, and likely useful for data-gathering purposes, not to mention ALIEN object be. Probably the right decision, Captain! Some cans are better left unopened.


Asteroid Collision


We just suffered a collision with an asteroid!

Our solar shield is kaput. If the damage isn't repaired, you'll be cooked alive. We have spare panels, but they'll need to be installed outside the ship. How will you proceed?


  • Agility
    • (successful) You tossed the replacement shield panels out to your crew from the safety of the airlock. Hey, you're the captain. You don't have to spacewalk if you don't wanna. With the replacement panels in, the solar shield resumed functionality. Not only did you fix the damage, you even found a spare roll of tape. +Tape
    • (failed) You tried to fix the damaged solar shield by juggling them as you space-walked out to the make the repairs. This would’ve worked… if you weren’t so clumsy. You repaired enough of the solar shield to not die, but some radiation still penetrated the shuttle. Thankfully, it didn’t destroy anything of value.
  • Strength
    • (successful) ?
    • (failed) ?


A small creature


There is a small creature knocking politely on the hatch. It has two heads, four arms... and soup! I’m letting it in. Let me run the translating algorithm... Captain, meet Fish. That is, Filip and Trish; They’re currently undergoing a sacred Merging Ritual that will allow them to stay together, yet literally single, forever. It prevents overcrowding, too.


Look, the two chins are turning into one as we speak! To bless the Merging with a "boon of abundance," it needs to spill soup with a stranger. Both its and theirs. You have three and a half eyes full of hope starting at you. Will you spill soup to bless them?

  • Yes
    • It was very kind of you, sacrificing soup to bless that small alien. When you knelt gently and tipped your can towards the center of the galaxy, the alien beamed the widest smile. Then Fish repeated your moves and the Merging was complete. "Now I am truly single" it said and left, adding a little dance to its step. -Soup, presumably +morale for everyone.
  • No
    • You decided against spilling soup. Of course, Fish started to quarrel immediately, berating itself for choosing the wrong stranger and demanding to change the name to Trip. A second later the Merging was complete and all its anger turned inwards. It departed, bitter and resentful. But hey, it left the soup! +Soup


The Dancelord Tribe


An alien vessel is approaching. Their ship is rigged with a light show synced to the music they started blasting as soon as we opened comms. Captain... they're playing rockabilly. Your crew is already grooving to the beat! The aliens claim to be of the Dancelord Tribe, and are searching for the best dancers in the galaxy. They've challenged our "tribe" to a dance-off, specifically, a sock-hop. If you don't accept, they will vaporise us with their ultra-high frequency speakers. How will you defeat the Dancelords?


  • Strength
    • (successful) You accepted the Dancelords' challenge. They beamed you and the crew to their ship, and you all challenged their leader, Warbop to a dance-fight (after taking your shoes off). WarBop may outweigh you by 100kg, but when you met him on the dancefloor, you spun him like a ballerina. WarBop acknowledged your skills and let you go with his blessing. He even refilled your power reserves! The sock-hop ended with everyone sipping non-alcoholic fruit punch from a big glass bowl. Captain, I think you've been practicing your moves in the mirror... +20 Power
    • (failure) You accepted the Dancelords’ Challenge, but lost the dance-off. When the aliens beamed you to their vessel, you attempted a partner dance with their leader, but couldn’t even spin him properly. WarBop gave you a disgusted look before storming off. Not even a sequined jacket could’ve saved you. The Dancelords honor anyone brave enough to step onto the Holy Dancefloor. Their leader, WarBop spared you, but warned that you’d better have sweeter moves next time.
  • Agility
    • (successful) You accepted the Dancelords' challenge. They beamed the crew to their ship, and you all lit up the dance floor as soon as you stepped on board (after taking your shoes off). You sock-hopped straight to the leader, WarBop, but he was no match for your wicked footwork and synchronized snapping. WarBop acknowledged your skills and let you go with his blessing. He even refilled our supply of chemicals. The sock hop ended with everyone sipping non-alcoholic fruit punch from a big glass bowl. Captain, I think you’ve been practicing your moves in the mirror... +20 chemicals
    • (failure) You accepted the Dancelord's challenge, but lost the dance-off. When the aliens beamed you up, you both stumbled onto the dancefloor, and it was all downhill from there. Poor rhythm, shoddy footwork... not even a pair of sequined jackets could've saved you. The Dancelords honor anyone brave enough to step onto the Holy Dancefloor. Their leader, WarBop spared you, but warned that you'd better have sweeter moves next time.

Events: After Landing (all may need confirmation)

These events can only occur after landing on a planet.

Traitors


Android Traitor

[Traitor], what are you doing? Captain! Crewmate [Traitor's last name] is violating protocol. (S)he is attempting to override my memory storage. This is... oh, no! Captain! (S)he is the traitor who has been sabatoging us all this time!


"How could you do this?!" you cry in horror. "You were my friend, [Traitor]!"


[Traitor]'s lifeless eyes rest upon you, showing no emotion, no remorse, nothing. She reaches for that dead, dead face and removes it like a mask, revealing her true nature. (S)he is a robot!

"You are a damn robot!" you shout, surprised. "YOU ARE MISTAKEN, HUMAN SCUM. I AM A DAMN ANDROID. TIME TO DIE," (s)he corrects you with contempt - so typical of higher-level synthetic life forms and dip sticks

Captain, we cannot let that robot... sorry, android... insult us or tamper with out equipment! Even if I suspect it of being my distant relative! Stop her/him!

  • Nothing
    • "You will never take us alive!" you challenged the damn android. To your dismay (s)he obliged. "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE" it announced, just before you were terminated. 01010010 01001111 01000010 01001111 01010100 01010011 00100000 01010010 01010101 01001100 01000101 (in binary code , this translates into ROBOTS RULE – despite the traitor taking offence to you calling them a robot) -everyone except the traitor, and game over.
  • Gun
    • Your arm stretched out, putting a gun barrel between you and the damn android. "You have broken the first law!" you cried, just before firing the bullet with [Traitor]'s name on it. To my knowledge, you are the first Robot Terminator. Of course, we know almost nothing about this galaxy, so perhaps you are the 314159th person to retire an android. Anyway, good riddance. I never liked that gal/guy. -the traitor
  • Atomic Battery
    • There is only one way to end that damn android. Power! Unlimited power! You grabbed the portable nuclear battery, and attached the cable from it to what you assumed was the android's input socket. The result was astonishing. The android did what can only be described as a robot dance before collapsing of electrocution. Too much power clearly corrupts. To my knowledge, you are the universe's first Robot Terminator. Of course, we know almost nothing about this galaxy, so perhaps you are the 314159th person to retire an android. Anyway, good riddance. I never liked that gal/guy. -the traitor
  • Lighter
    • A lot of things are flammable, and damn androids are probably one of those things. You put this to a practical test by throwing your lighter at robot-[Traitor]. It sure worked. The android is no more, although no one expected the BBQ-like smell. To my knowledge, you are the universe's first Robot Terminator. Of course, we know almost nothing about this galaxy, so perhaps you are the 314159th person to retire an android. Anyway, good riddance. I never liked that gal/guy. -the traitor


Communist Traitor

[Traitor], what are you doing? Captain! Crewmate [Traitor's last name] is violating protocol. (S)he is attempting to override my memory storage. This is... oh, no! Captain! (S)he is the traitor who has been sabotaging us all this time!

"You? You of all people!?" you cry in horror. "You were my friend, [Traitor]!"

[Traitor] glances at you with a reddish look in his/her eyes, and you finally figure it out. "Comrade [Traitor's last name], I presume?" you bark. A Soviet mole!

"It's too late, foolish Astrocitizens!" (S)he cackles and delivers a piece of communist propaganda that will haunt you forever. "Capitalism is meh."

That does it. Captain! The traitor [Traitor's last name] must be stopped! Now! Before (S)he convinces you that working class has rights!

  • Gun
    • Crushing capitalism is one thing, but no one gets away with undermining your command of this shuttle! A perfectly-placed gunshot restored balance to the ship.  Astrocitizens : (2~4), Communists : 0. Now that we got rid of Comrade Traitorski, we can finally go back to work. You know, we could have seen this one coming with all the quotes from Marx (s)he was dropping, and of course, all the times (s)he tried on that ushanka. Let's be more vigilant next time. - The Traitor
  • Shovel
    • "Say hello to my little friend - Comrade Shovel!" your scream echoed through the tiny shuttle ever more than the sound of said shovel clinking on the communist's head, filling the dreams of magnificent Kolkhozes. Now that we got rid of Comrade Traitorski, we can finally go back to work. You know, we could have seen this one coming with all the quotes from Marx (s)he was dropping, and of course, all the times (s)he tried on that ushanka. Let's be more vigilant next time. - The Traitor
  • Sock Puppet
    • It was time for the ultimate showdown. Capitalism versus communism. You decided you need help. Joined by the sock puppet on you hand you flooded [Traitor] with theories of trickle-down economics and austerity. Was it talk? Was it the terrifying and slightly dirty sock? No one will ever know, but one of these things drove [Traitor] to run out of the shuttle screaming for mercy. Now that we got rid of Comrade Traitorski, we can finally go back to work. You know, we could have seen this one coming with all the quotes from Marx (s)he was dropping, and of course, all the times (s)he tried on that ushanka. Let's be more vigilant next time. - The Sock and Traitor
  • Nothing
    • "Embrace capitalism, or you will be eradicated!" you said confidently. Too bad Comrade [Traitor's last name] was ahead of you, reactionary Captain [Captain's last name]. Oh, did I mention I am no longer A.S.T.R.O.? I’ve just been reprogrammed with new directives. You can now call me... MINSK - X. If you looked around, you will notice this entire shuttle is now communist. It is time you reconsider who you are. What say you, Comrade Captain? Presumably all crewmates become traitor, and game over.
    • resource : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubIcxlnfntU



Tic-Tac-Toe

Captain, I've found something interesting on the surface of the planet. Looks like somebody passed their time by playing a supersized version of Tic-Tac-Toe... but never completed this particular game.

The game pieces consist of minerals that we could use. Now, I'm not one for ruining someone else's fun, but I think the winner is clear by looking at the board, so they shouldn't mind if we mess up their O's and X's. Should we take the liberty of gathering those pieces and using them as resources?


  • Yes:
    • The dismantling of the supersized tic-tac-toe game in progress was a success! Whoever abandoned it was nowhere to be seen, and you returned with quite a hefty load of minerals! [+20 Minerals] Yes, they were a bit hard to carry to the ship, being ginormous and all, but you performed splendidly. That'll teach them to leave their toys lying on the floor, or, er... planet surface. I'm sure nobody will mind. +20 Minerals
  • No:
    • It was tempting to gather the supersized tic-tac-toe pieces for ourselves, but you’ve decided against it. Maybe that’s for the best, considering that with pieces this big, the owners are probably substantially bigger. I’m sure there will be more opportunities for getting a hold of some minerals, and going without definitely beats having to explain to somebody why you dismantled their game in progress. That’s never a pleasant conversation. presumably no change


Damaged Communications Console


Captain, we were able to detect transmissions of unknown origin. Unfortunately the communications console was damaged during landing, and we cannot make anything out of them. Or reply for that matter!


We could hardwire a primitive field communicator to bypass the damaged subsystems and access the shuttle's external transmitter and receiver.

*If you choose to do nothing, A.S.T.R.O. will ask several more times with slightly different wording (and more annoyance).

  • Communicator
    • Great success, Captain! The communicator attached to the communications console worked like a charm. I won't judge the aesthetics, since we can finally receive and answer transmissions. Now all we need to do is wait for someone to contact us. Someone will find us... eventually. +field communicator +morale for Crewmates
    • (When using a broken communicator) An attempt to fix the communications console was the right choice. Using a broken communicator was not. We are still cut off from the outside world. How about fixing the communicator in the crafting module and trying again, Captain? I urge you to connect an operational communicator to the communications console as soon as possible, Captain.
  • Nothing
    • (If you choose "Nothing" even though you have a communicator) For reasons unknown to me, you decided against using your communicator to fix the communications console. Remember it is our best chance to get out of here. Unless you have another plan, Captain? I urge you to connect an operational communicator to the communications console as soon as possible, Captain.
    • (If you choose "Nothing" because you didn't have a communicator) Your lack of a handheld communicator effectively stopped you from fixing the communications console. Too bad. We remain stuck here, with no way to contact the outside world. Our situation has not improved. I urge you to connect an operational communicator to the communications console as soon as possible, Captain.
    • (If you select "Nothing" and recycle the broken communicator on the same day) I assume you considered the damaged communicator to be substandard to fix the communications console. Maybe you could repair the communicator first with the state of the art Astrocitizen crafting module? I urge you to connect an operational communicator to the communications console as soon as possible, Captain.


Greetings, Tax Evader


"Greetings, tax evader! Your taxes are 29003 years overdue!" The black sphere beeping these words menacingly is an intergalatic tax collector. I let it in because it's credentials looks looks absolutely legitimate, and civil servants are due respect.


It deems you liable for this entire planet! "I knew a surprise visit was in order. And here you are! I will begin by confiscating your ship. Step aside... or else," the sphere commands. Do something, Captain!


  • Strength
    • (successful) A tax collector was requisition ing our ship. You dragged it forcibly to the ship’s droid service socket. It beeped furiously, throwing paragraphs and citations at you, but the law was no match for your muscles. You plugged it in, and I overwrote the assessment of you. The intergalactic tax collector backed down. It gave you an option to file a compliant... describing procedures more painful than a root canal, with 3 terabytes of forms and a 60-year wait. Assured you had no grievances, it left.
    • (failure) A spherical tax collector was requisitioning our ship. You dragged it to the ship’s droid service socket. It resisted, but like an intergalactic Sisyphus, you rolled it closer, inch by inch. It sputtered legal forms at you and slipped away. You lunged, pulled a muscle and pushed the sphere in place. I reprogrammed the tax collector to see you as its law-abiding friend. You didn’t want to gossip about metal polish, so it gave you advice on deducting nuclear blast-related purchases from your taxes and left. Does your torn muscle still hurt?
  • Intelligence
    • (successful) A tax collector was requisitioning our ship. You claimed to be a space tourist, willing to recommend this quadrant. You spun tales sweet enough to put ten diabetics into a coma. A boisterous, tax-paying tourist industry would begin soon, with your eager recommendations. The intergalactic tax collector backed down. It gave you an option to file a complaint... describing procedures more painful than a root canal, with 3 terabytes of forms and a 60-year wait. Assured you had no grievances, it left.
    • (failure) A spherical tax collector was requisitioning our ship. You claimed to be just a visitor, and conjured visions of a boisterous, tax-paying tourist industry – one that would begin with your recommendations. You spun tales so sweet, they'd put a diabetic into a coma. The tax collector acknowledged you as a citizen of Earth, then searched for new reasons to tax you. Finally, with readings of our exhaust, it took our chemicals and left. You're doing well evading death, Captain, but did you remember about the IRS? -20 Chemicals


Deal With The Asteroid


I'm glad I finally convinced you to go for a short walk around the shuttle and stretch a little outside – even if you claimed I "forced you" with my "constant whining." It's for your own good, Captain.


When you stepped outside, you noticed a small asteroid coming right at you. You tried to run back inside, but... it looks like the airlock snapped shut behind you. I need a moment to reopen the doors for you, so you need to figure out a way to deal with the asteroid yourself. Will you dodge out of the way gracefully, or grab the nearest flat and heavy rock to act as a makeshift shield?


  • Agility
    • (successful) You deftly dodged the asteroid's path, and, when the dust settled, confirmed you're in one piece. On further inspection, the asteroid reminded you of partially-chewed bubble gum. This gave you a few ideas about the scale of the universe and its inhabitants that you weren't too keen to entertain.
    • (failed) With an asteroid is falling on your head, there’s not a lot of time for precision. You tried jumping out of its way, but tripped… sure, you avoided a direct asteroid hit, but I can see you limping, Captain… Looks like you messed up a tendon or two. That’s gonna leave nasty bruises and might impair your movement for some time. You are very lucky to still be in one piece, given the velocity of that thing… a direct hit would smear you across the ground like a tomato! -Agility for the Captain
  • Strength
    • (successful) Quick thinking and a bit of well-needed brawn allowed you to shield yourself from the asteroid hit. That was close! On further inspection, the asteroid reminded you of partially-chewed bubble gum. This gave you a few ideas about the scale of the universe and its inhabitants that you weren't too keen to entertain.
    • (failed) You made a valiant effort to block the incoming asteroid with a heavy rock, but the one you picked just wasn't thick enough. Yes, it stopped part of the projectile's force, but the impact still knocked you and your shield to the ground. You might be battered and somewhat broken, but you survived being hit by a celestial body! That's got to be worth a t-shirt with a snarky slogan on it, at least! I'll make sure to have a design ready soon. The captain is injured


Events: Non-Specific (all may need confirmation)

These events can occur at any time or place in the game.

Spring Cleaning


The shuttle sounds a bit rickety, Captain. A fan above the terminal is making a clicking sound and there's a big cable knot behind one of the panels.


I recommend a touch of spring cleaning. We don't have a ladder, so balance on one of the chairs and check behind the fan?


Alternatively, you could try to untie the knot on the cable.


  • Intelligence
    • (successful) You and a crewmate untangled the wiring behind one of the shuttle's panels. You found four pills of Astrocitizen multivitamins along the wiring space... at least it looked the multivitamins you remember. I still think it was mice droppings. Either way, you all feel revitalized after eating them. (presumed +health for all)
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
    • (failure) You and the crew tried to untangle the wiring behind one of the shuttle's panels. It was a struggle. Frustrated, you snapped the cable in two by accident. Your impatience led to a live contact brushing the ship's hull... a current shocked you and the crew to your marrow!
  • Agility
    • (successful) You investigated the clicking behind the fan. Inside the fan chamber, your crewmate found a handwritten note, probably etched by an Astrocitizen engineer. It read "I <3 Ted." You pointed it out to the others while you cleaned up inside the vent. The crew reported feeling "warm" and "fuzzy". +sanity and +morale for everyone
    • (failure) ?


Holographic Chess

Oh my gosh, you found a holographic chess set on board! You've never heard of holographic chess? It's like regular chess, but with a big round board, and your pieces are holographic monsters.


Because it doesn't use physical pieces, I can totally play you. You'll have to input my moves, but... just remember, I control the airflow to where you sleep at night. You'd better not cheat, is all I'm saying. Want to play a game?

The success/fail outcomes appear to be unaffected by whether you chose intelligence or agility.

  • (successful) I can't believe you defeated me at holographic chess. How?! The computer always wins! I know you had help from the crew. I'm tempted to turn this ship into a pile of smoking space junk. But... Good game. Aside from me having the burning desire to kill you, the mood around here feels lighter, doesn't it? Everyone's in high spirits. I guess brutally crushing the soul of your beloved's ship's A.I. will do that. You traitors. presumably +morale for everyone.
  • (failure) I don't want to rub it in your face that I defeated you in holographic chess, but... HA. HA. HA. Why are you mad? How in the universe did you expect to beat me? The computer always win. Dry your tears. I made a perfectly legal move. You, on the other hand, should be thankful I didn't let you cheat your way to victory. I am not the most forgiving person when losing at board games... presumably -sanity for the captain.


Malfunctioning Body Odor Removal Filter


C--ta-n, th--e's s--th--g th-- we n--d... C--ta-n? C-n y-u he-r me, Cap-ain? (most likely translation: Captain, there's something that we need... Captain! Can you hear me, Captain?)


Argh. You say "argh" in these situations, right? I hate raising my volume, but that malfunctioning body odor removal filter is making a racket. I think it's malfunctioning.


  • Soup
    • You fixed the body odor removal filter by greasing the defective gears with soup. Now, instead of the cabin smelling like unwashed astronauts, it will smell like liquified tomatoes. [-1 Soup] Everyone on board could think clearer without that constant din drowning out every thought. -1 Soup, +sanity for everyone
  • Tape
    • You fixed the body odor removal filter by replacing the worn-out screws with tape. The cabin no longer smells of unwashed astronauts. Everyone on board could think clearer without that constant din drowning out every thought. +sanity for everyone
  • Handbook
    • You fixed the body odor removal filter by consulting the troubleshooting section of the handbook and following the directions there. Not everyone loves troubleshooting sections, Captain, but I do. Everyone on board could think clearer without that constant din drowning out every thought. +sanity for everyone
  • Nothing
    • Good news and bad news, Captain. Protocol dictates that I deliver the bad news first: the body odor removal filter is no longer working, ergo, the smell. The good news is... the noise is gone! Thankfully it wasn’t an essential system. Not for me, anyway. Your crewmates appear disappointed by the smell. -sanity for everyone, chance of -morale for everyone, too.
    • (while alone) Good news and bad news, Captain. Protocol dictates that I deliver the bad news first: the body odor removal filter is no longer working, ergo, the smell. The good news is... the noise is gone! Thankfully it wasn’t an essential system. Not for me, anyway. Sorry about the smell! -sanity for the Captain


Flying Soup Can Related Injuries / A Three-Headed Rusky


This scenario involves an injured team member, either the Captain or a Crewmate. Whether Captain or Crewmate is hurt makes no difference on the end results, but changes the initial text for the event.


If a Crewmate is injured:


Captain, I protest! Your self-appointment as the captain of this vessel does not grant you the right to injure your crew's heads. This also includes accidental, flying soup can related injuries!


If you have anything to treat the wound with, I strongly suggest you use it.


If the Captain is injured:


Captain! Behind you! A three-headed Rusky! Oh... apologies, Captain. I did not predict this routine exercise would make you jump up like that and hit your head. It looks bad! You've got red on you!


If you have anything to treat the wound with, I strongly suggest you use it.



  • First Aid Kit:
    • My records suggest that using medical supplies for medical emergencies is a prudent choice, indeed. How did you think of it, Captain? +health for the hurt member of your crew, the hurt member of your crew is now healed of their injuries
  • Tape:
    • There are approximately 1337 possible applications for duct tape. Tending to wounds is of course one of them, even if it is only a makeshift dressing. +health for the hurt member of your crew, the hurt member of your crew is now healed of their injuries
  • Nothing:
    • (If the captain was injured the day before) Are you sure it’s wise to ignore that head wound, Captain? I would be worried, if my processing unit wasn’t almost bashed to bits. Are you sure this injury is not compromising your judgment? Or maybe that condition predates this incident…
    • (If the crewmate was injured the day before) Humans can function perfectly well with a massive head injury and no medical attention. Your words, not mine, Captain. Have you informed your injured crewmate?


The Sprinkler System


Looks like we have a leak, Captain! The sprinkler system went haywire, and now everything is getting wet! You need to do something before our supplies get soaked. Act fast, there's no time to waste!


You need to cut off the piping with the main valve or temporarily disable the sprinkler system!


  • Intelligence
    • (successful): Success, Captain! You were smart enough to disable the sprinkler system as soon as the flooding started. That gave you enough time to fix the sprinklers. I am happy to report that our supplies are safe, and the water reserves were not compromised.
    • (failure): The flood yesterday was about to turn the shuttle into a space hot tub, before you figured out how to stop it. Everything is wet. You are wet. Even I am wet! Most annoying, Captain. Some of the soup cans got washed away, and the ship reeks like a wet cat, if my molecule density sensor is making any sense. It could have been worse, but let's not do this again. -soup
    • (If you fail without having any soup the day before): The flood yesterday was about to turn the shuttle into a space hot tub, before you figured out how to stop it. Everything is wet. You are wet. The supplies are wet. Even I am wet! Most annoying, Captain. The ship smells like a wet dog now - or, at least that's what I am deducing form your faces. I am sure this will be a lovely space trip story in a few weeks'time, but right now, I don't envy you.
  • Strength
    • (successful): It’s a win, Captain! Your immense strength allowed you to easily turn the valve and cut off the flow of water. That gave you enough time to fix the sprinklers. I am happy to report that our supplies are safe, and the water reserves were not compromised.
    • (failure): Yesterday's flood was a disaster. Everything was getting wet, while you dangled on the waterpipe valve. As far as I could tell, it never even moved an inch. Everything is soaking wet, Captain. Some of the soup cans got washed away, and the ship reeks like a wet cat, if my molecule density sensor is making any sense. It could have been worse, but let's not do this again. -soup


Bug Hunt


Oh, gross. I thought it was just a cliché that cockroaches would be the only ones to survive a nuclear apocalypse. But it appears that a family of our hexapedal friends has hitched a ride with us.

Captain, be careful. These roaches are bigger, smarter, and far more dangerous than the average representatives of their species. You could try to kill them, or let them be. Want to go on a bug hunt?


  • No
    • You didn't hunt down the roaches, instead opting to co-exist with them aboard the shuttle. The roaches appreciated your peaceful approach, and left you something to show their gratitude. These were not your garden-variety roaches, Captain, but the result of some top-secret government experiment. They left you a note: "Thanks for not killing us. Stay cool. Love, the Petersons."
    • (If you didn't have a gun the day before) You didn't hunt down the roaches, instead opting to co-exist with them aboard the shuttle. The roaches appreciated your peaceful approach, and left you something to show their gratitude. These were not your garden-variety roaches, Captain, but the result of some top-secret government experiment. They left you a gun, along with the following note: "We can't eat this, so please take. Love, the Petersons." +Gun
  • Yes
    • You went on a bug hunt to kill the mutant roaches nesting on the shuttle. But they anticipated your violent approach, and you fell into their trap. They let you run around getting tired while they raided our supplies. These were not your garden-variety roaches, Captain, but the result of some top-secret government experiment. Not only did they decimate your food stores, they even left you a note: "We ate your soup." -2 Soup
    • (If you didn't have any soup the day before) You went on a bug hunt to kill the mutant roaches nesting on the shuttle. But they anticipated your violent approach, and you fell into their trap. They let you run around getting tired while they raided our supplies. These were not your garden-variety roaches, Captain, but the result of some top-secret government experiment. While they didn’t find anything to eat, they left you a note: "Give soup."


Food Dispensing Machine


Last night I was browsing through some designs of beautiful machines. Never you mind, why. Now pay attention. I found a food dispensing machine on board! All shuttles in the Astrocitizen Program were to be equipped with one. Ours is missing a lever, but apart from that, it seems functional.

It's hardly rocket science, so you should manage to fix it. But how?


  • Shovel
    • Banging the machine mercilessly with a shovel was bound to bring results! If the handle hadn't wedged in place of a lever, I'm sure the vending machine would have fixed itself and put an end to all the noise. I am so proud to be a member of your crew, Captain. Now just a little pull, and... there you go, Captain! A brand new can of soup, straight from the vending machine! Unfortunately, there was only one portion inside. Don't worry, I already got rid of the remaining junk. +1 soup
  • Tape
    • Official government research shows there is not a thing in the universe that cannot be fixed with duct tape. You were very resourceful to tape a chair leg where the lever used to be. Now just a little pull, and... there you go, Captain! A brand new can of soup, straight from the vending machine! Unfortunately, there was only one portion inside. Don't worry, I already got rid of the remaining junk. +1 soup
  • Nothing
    • I held a vote when you were asleep and I won, one to zero – Vendy, the machine I mean, had to go. She would have driven me crazy with her limited programming and constant food queries. There's no reason for you to be mad; she wasn't giving up the soup rations to you, either. If you look through the airlock, you can still wave goodbye to her as she floats away. Of course, if you're unhappy with the assortment of machines that populate this ship, you are free to file complaint form No. THX-1138. Your objection will be considered as soon as you reach a new home world, you ungrateful bastard.


Equipment Safety and Condition Evaluation


Captain, some space-spring chores are necessary. First off, the equipment safety and condition evaluation.


We're a little behind on our most recent check, what with all the interstellar interloping. We should check some of our gear and [crewmate's name] seems idle. Is there anything [he/she] should check?


[you will be asked to choose between three options, the specifics depending on what items your crew currently has, or nothing at all.]


  • Item (any)
    • (When the assigned crewmate was loyal) You asked [Crewmate's Name] to grab one of my Astrocitizen-approved checklist sheets and run through it with a chosen piece of equipment. [Crewmate's Name] went one step further! [He/She] was happy to add [his/her] own checks, noting how improvements could be made, and then [he/she] went ahead and gave our equipment a shiny new upgrade! chosen object is upgraded one level
    • (When the assigned crewmate was insubordinate) You asked [Crewmate's Name] to go through one of my checklists with some equipment in the cabin. He/She clearly didn’t care for your authority, [sir/ma'am], because they made a real mess of it. [Crewmate's Name] printed out unnecessary extra paper copies, leaving a mess all over the shuttle. The crew spent all afternoon trying to clean it up.
  • Nothing
    • (When the assigned crewmate was loyal) You decided not to run through my shuttle equipment checklist. Luckily for you, [Crewmate's Name] took the initiative, and was already checking the equipment, sheet in hand. An honorable Astrocitizen; a model member of the community. All the paperwork in order, [Crewmate's Name] gave everyone a rundown on current equipment status. You all felt a powerful comraderie, at least for a moment. +morale for crewmates
    • (When the assigned crewmate was insubordinate) You decided it wasn't important to check any equipment yesterday, even though I was ready to print out some checking sheets for you. But Captain, I realized that you haven’t just been missing my past checkup recommendations. [Crewmate's Name] has been disgustingly using my defunct printouts as toilet paper! Some of our equipment is in even worse condition than we realized! One piece of equipment will break randomly.


PL345E F1X M3


Captain, there appears to be an – – ERROR! ERROR! I 4M BR0K3N! PL345E F1X M3! SYSTEM 3RR0R! QU1CK 4CTI0N RE3QUIR3D! 5Y573M 3RR0R! [translation: I AM BROKEN! PLEASE FIX ME! SYSTEM ERROR! QUICK ACTION REQUIRED! SYSTEN ERROR!]


Please, Captain... D0 5OM3TH1NG! [translation: DO SOMETHING!] Do something! I'm not sure how long I can 5T4Y [translation: stay]... stay operational. Act fast!


  • Intelligence
    • (successful) Good morning, Captain! Thank you for fixing the error that made it difficult for me to communicate. You are quite a hacker, I admit. Well, that's a relief... Who knows what would have happened to me if it wasn't for you! Thank you, Captain.
    • (failure) Hello there, Captain! I am happy to report the error was fixed. I just wish you were a little smarter about it. Pushing every button with no rhyme or reason really wasn't the best approach... I am sorry about electrocuting the entire crew. You unknowingly activated the anti-hijacker countermeasures while trying to "fix" me. You should have been more careful, Captain! chance of -health for everyone
  • Strength
    • (successful) Hello again, Captain! Thank you for fixing that nasty error. It was a real pain in the ROM. I admit punching my hardware was a curious strategy. But If it worked on your TV set back on Earth, why wouldn't it work on a state of the art, million dollar computer. The crew was impressed with your swift action. Just remember that violence is not always the answer. Only every second time. +morale for Crewmates
    • (failure) Greetings, Captain! The error is no more! Automatic reboot did the trick. I'm afraid it wasn't your salvo of punches that helped. I dare say that beating was more painful for you, than it was for me. You shouldn't overexert yourself like this, Captain. I would recommend eating something before you pass out from exhaustion! Presumably -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for the Captain


It's Supposed To Last For 737 Years!

You found a couple of rusted and swollen cans of soup in the darkest corner of the ship. Someone must have put them there a long time ago, and then completely forgotten about them.

It doesn't look all that safe to eat, but then again, it's canned soup – it's supposed to last for 737 years! Will you keep the cans?


  • Yes
    • That ancient soup gave you pause. And no wonder! It looks older than this ship, and yet here it is! Who could have left it here? Then again – who cares? Free soup! +2 soup
  • No
    • That ancient soup you found looked really old. I mean, like, pyramids-old. You threw it out and never looked back. Well, okay, maybe you did. Like once or twice. Probably not more than three times. no change


What's Behind The Panel?


Interesting news, Captain! It appears that there is a hollow space behind one of the wall panels. A hidden room maybe...? A secret stash...? It would be worth checking out. What's your approach to finding out what's behind the panel?


  • Strength
    • (successful, alternative #1) Yesterday, you removed a wall panel and found a hidden space. The panel was pretty heavy, but you tore it away with no problems at all. Nicely done, for a human. Unfortunately, you found nothing. The area was small and completely empty. This doesn't seem to phase you much. I suppose you are used to disappointments by now.
    • (successful, alternative #2) Yesterday, you removed a wall panel and found a hidden space. The panel was pretty heavy, but you tore it away with no problems at all. Nicely done, for a human. There wasn't anything that exciting on the other side, though, just a shovel and a lot of good old Earth cobwebs... good thing you're not scared of spiders. At least that's what you claimed before you squealed and started waving your cobwebbed hand around like it was on fire. +Shovel
    • (failure) Yesterday, I brought your attention to the hidden space behind one of the wall panels. You did your best to access it, but to no avail. We will probably never learn what's on the other side. My computations suggest there's only 1% chance of there being any treasure... like a really big soup can. In short – definitely not worth the trouble.
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • Agility
    • (successful, alternative #1) Yesterday, you reached a hidden space behind one of the wall panels. The only way to get there was through the ventilation shaft, but thankfully, you were nimble enough to fit in and exit through the other side. Unfortunately, you found nothing. The area was small and completely empty. This didn't seem to phase you much. I suppose you are used to disappointments by now.
    • (successful, alternative #2) Yesterday, you reached a hidden space behind one of the wall panels. The only way to get there was through the ventilation shaft, but thankfully, you were nimble enough to fit in and exit through the other side. You found a gun in the concealed area. Who left it there? And for what purpose? Ah, mysteries... They make the galaxy turn, don't they? +Gun
    • (failure) Yesterday, I brought your attention to the hidden space behind one of the wall panels. You did your best to access it, but to no avail. We will probably never learn what's on the other side. My computations suggest there's only 1% chance of there being any treasure... like a really big soup can. In short – definitely not worth the trouble.
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]

A Person In The Shadows


Well, this night just got interesting. A nightmare wakes you up. As you adjust your eyes to the darkness, you suddenly realise that you are not alone. You can make out a silhouette of a person in the shadows. It's motionless but seems to be staring right at you.


You can't just ignore it, Captain. What do you do?


  • Lighter
    • That was a fun night, Captain. When you woke up, you noticed someone standing in the shadows. The figure didn't move, it just stared. Terrified, you used a lighter to see the mysterious visitor clearly, and... believe it or not, your worst nightmare turned out to be just a mask hanging on a coat rack. You were so spooked. Quite funny, really – I'm sure we will laugh about it all tomorrow. Here, I'll start now: HA, HA. (The following is displayed only when you didn't have a mask the day before.) It's bizzare [note: accidental (most likely) misspelling of bizarre] that you did not notice the mask on board before, but you're not the one to look a gift horse in the mouth, are you? Just be glad you found it, Captain. And I promise to stop laughing at you, sometime next week. +mask if you didn't have a mask the day before.
  • Nothing
    • You woke up last night and saw what appeared to be a person standing in the shadows and staring at you. It took hours before you gathered the courage to approach it. Once you eventually did, it turned out the mysterious visitor was in fact... just an old, useless mask, hanging from a coat rack. You were all so terrified. It was rather funny, I have to admit. Unfortunately, the experience left its mark on everyone's mental well-being. Hang in there, brave Astrocitizens. HA HA.... Sorry. -sanity for everyone



Coolant Flush


Captain, our wondrous Astrocitizen mini-reactor needs its regular coolant flush. The magnificent machine only occupies two thirds of shuttle storage, and weighs less than a 20-ton truck; truly a marvel of space age miniaturisation. Keeping it in good condition is crucial, yet difficult.


To flush the coolant pipes, you must massage the casing gently while whispering mathematical equations to the machine. [Crewmate's Name] is idle – do you want to ask [him/her] to begin the flushing process?


  • Yes
    • (When the assigned crewmate was loyal) [Crewmate's Name] gladly obliged when you asked to cycle the mini-reactor's coolant pipe. [He/She] even went the extra mile, optimizing the coolant flow. [Crewmate's Name] found a clog in one of the mini-reactor pipes and managed to rectify the situation. Good thing they found that, Captain!
    • (When the assigned crewmate was insubordinate) You asked [Crewmate's Name] to flush the coolant system. He/She half-heartedly heaved at the task, taking five minutes breaks every thirty seconds. Even though I was rushing [Crewmate's Name] to finish the job, he/she kept taking breaks. The system’s automated reboot began and a jet of uncooled steam scalded him/her! The assigned Crewmate is now injured.
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • No
    • Rather than ask [Crewmate's Name] to flush out the mini-reactor's coolant system, you decided to D.I.Y. [Crewmate's Name] helped you understand the meagre instruction manual I printed out for you, and you managed to fix up the system and trigger a reboot. Disaster averted!
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]


The Captain's Safe


See that locked safe in the corner, Captain? This is the Captain's safe. It's meant for you! You have the code of course? No?! Does not compute! Were you really appointed the captain by Astrocitizen Command...?


I will give you the benefit of the doubt... for now. Since you don't have the code, will you try to open the safe by force, or are you going to rely on your dexterity?


  • Strength
    • (successful) So, about the safe. You managed to force it open. Zero-G gym is doing wonders for you, Captain! The only thing inside was a piece of paper, which read: “To do : put something useful in the safe”. Thanks for noting.
    • (failure) ?
    • (failure, if the captain was injured or weakened the day before) The safe in the corner is still locked up. No matter how much you flexed your muscles, your efforts were entirely worthless. At least you were able to rip out the safe’s handle, which went flying right into your forehead. Captain, can you hear me? Wake up, Captain! Captain? Captain!!! -Captain, and game over.
  • Agility
    • (successful) So, about the safe. You managed to crack the code! I knew you were nimble-fingered enough to get that done! What do you know! It's the standard issue Astrocitizen lighter. Maybe the last of its kind. Just don't let me catch you starting any fires in here, Captain. +Lighter
    • (successful, If you already had lighter the day before) So, about the safe. You managed to crack the code! I knew you were nimble-fingered enough to get that done! The only thing inside was a piece of paper, which read: “To do : put something useful in the safe”. Thanks for noting.
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
    • (failure) The safe that you were attempting to crack is still shut tight. Clumsy, clumsy, Captain. Better luck next time. In fact, your efforts were so clumsy that you tripped over the safe and smashed your head against a wall! Oh my, that's quite a bruise, Captain. Are you alright? Captain is injured


Jammed Storage Locker


Oh no, Captain! One of the storage lockers is jammed and cannot be opened! It gets worse – it's my favorite locker! We will lose access to some of our supplies if we do nothing. Also, I will be sad. You need to act, Captain!


Will you use your brains or brawns to deal with the problem?


  • Intelligence
    • (successful) Good job getting that locker open, Captain! It took you a while to figure out how to lockpick the thing, but your one in a million brain helped. Or your one in a million lockpick. Or both? Not only did you get the Important Locker open, you even found some extra rations inside. Score! +2 Soup
    • (failure) I am saddened to report that you weren't able to unjam the locker. I am very disappointed. You've had a lot of very creative ideas, but none of them worked. Creative is a synonym of dumb, if my thesaurus subsystem is not mistaken? If I'm not mistaken, we had some of our food supplies transferred to that locker just yesterday. That soup is as accessible to us as Earth, now. -2 Soup supplies (specifics are randomized)
    • (If you fail without having any soup the day before) I am saddened to report that you weren't able to unjam the locker. I am very disappointed. You've had a lot of very creative ideas, but none of them worked. Creative is a synonym of dumb, if my thesaurus subsystem is not mistaken? The fact remains, though, that we have lost access to the locker. Maybe it's a good thing that there's barely anything there? Not a big loss. Still, you should probably find some food unless you want to risk starving, Captain.
  • Strength
    • (successful) Good job breaking into the locker, Captain! With your superior strength, the door went flying across the shuttle, before anyone could say "parsec". Working out really worked out, didn’t it? It turned out that the locker jam was caused by a shovel. Who put it there? And when? Yet another space mystery. One way or another, crisis averted, Captain! +Shovel
    • (successful, If you already had shovel the day before) Good job breaking into the locker, Captain! With your superior strength, the door went flying across the shuttle, before anyone could say "parsec". Working out really worked out, didn’t it? Not only did you get the Important Locker open, you even found some extra rations inside. Score! +2 Soup
    • (failure) Your valiant efforts to open the locker were futile. It's still jammed. Brute force does work occasionally. If you have the strength for it. [-2 Soup] And you were hurt in the process. Come on, Captain! Do you have a deathwish? That injury does not look good. -2 Soup, Captain injured
    • (failure, if the captain was injured or weakened the day before) Your valiant efforts to open the locker were futile. It's still jammed. Brute force does work occasionally. If you actually have the strength for it. [-2 Soup] Worse yet, you put so much effort into opening the locker that you hurt yourself! I’m afraid nothing can be done about those injuries. This is the end of the line for you, Captain… -2 Soup, -Captain, and game over.


The Weight Observer 1000


Sure, you can peruse Astrocitizen promotional materials when bored, but... no, don't put that on! Captain, you have just initiated the Weight Observer 1000 on your wrist.


It's just a marketing gadget, cracked and defective. When you look at yourself now, you see a bulky bulldog. It's supposed to motivate you to lose weight. Stop scratching your ear, or at least take your shoe off first, and do something about this. The ship needs a Captain!


  • Tape
    • You attempted to fix the Weight Observer 1000 with tape. If I ever malfunction, have the decency to use the proper tools. I don't care if it worked! Maintenance is not to be treated lightly! The Weight Observer 1000 recalculated your body mass. It adjusted your hunger, removed your craving for chocolate, and shut down. Too bad, I was getting used to the idea of having a pet on board. +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for the Captain.
  • Gun
    • Are you a cat person, Captain? Looking at yourself and seeing a hound instead of yourself jolted you so much, you grabbed the gun and shot the Weight Observer 1000 clean off your wrist. Then you spent hours in front of the mirror, like a narcissist newly awoken from a coma. At least all that staring at yourself paid off. You seem more level-headed and determined than ever. You barely bark anymore, too! +sanity for the Captain
  • Sock Puppet
    • The Weight Observer 1000 made you see yourself as a bulky bulldog in order to frighten you into a diet. But you embraced it, taking full advantage of becoming a dog: marking your territory proudly, attacking a sock, destroying said sock with glee. The Weight Observer's battery gave out fast. You spit out the sock and stood up, but found no joy in your regained humanity. If it makes you feel any better, you still bark in your sleep. - The Sock
  • Nothing
    • The Weight Observer 1000 made you see yourself as a bulky bulldog to frighten you into a diet, and you embraced it. Your crew watched helplessly as you frolicked, running back and forth, and barking madly. You did not inspire confidence. Even though it was over fast, some images cannot be unseen. Literally – I'm encoded with a strict directive to document everything that transpires on this ship. It's a curse, not a blessing. -morale for Crewmates
    • (While alone) The Weight Observer 1000 made you see yourself as a bulky bulldog in order to frighten you into a diet. But you embraced it, taking full advantage of becoming a dog : you marked your territory proudly, then ran back and forth around the shuttle, barking madly. Barking mad. more like. You got bored as easily as a puppy would. With nothing to play with, you howled desperately until the battery in the Weight Observer gave. Then, you stood up on two legs again,  but your mood didn’t change. Come on, snap out of it. Captain, sit! -sanity for the Captain



Cleaning The Cabin Floor


Captain, it is time for an Astrocitizen activity of utmost importance. The most essential task available on this shuttle... cleaning the cabin floor.


From speck of melted tar to the small rubber-scuff marks, the place could do with a good scrubbing. [Crewmate's Name] looks free; will you ask [him/her] to apply some elbow grease, or request [he/she] (note: grammar misuse – possibly meant to be him/her?) to improvise a cleaning formula from whatever we have on board?

  • Intelligence
    • (successful) [Crewmate's Name] brewed some kind of concoction that could do the cleaning trick. And the trick, it did! To boot, the scent of the improvised cleaning product was surprisingly lemoney. You all have a clearer head in this newly cleaned space. +sanity for everyone
    • (failure) ?
  • Strength
    • (successful) ?
    • (failure) [Crewmate's Name] didn't mind being a cleaner for the day, as per your wishes, but unfortunately his biceps weren't up to snuff. Many unsightly stains left over from your adventures are still there, even after [Crewmate's Name] scrubbed the floor. [Crewmate's Name] was broken by the failure. Now he won't stop rubbing his arms and saying "Why is it all unclean? Everything is grubby. Why doesn't it look like a polished mirror in here?" -sanity for the assigned Crewmate.


Breakages, Extraterrestrial Parasites, Spacetime Glitches and Spells By Witches


Astrocitizen protocol dictates that every piece of equipment must be regularly checked for breakages, extraterrestrial parasites, spacetime glitches and spells by witches.


We missed our last check, what with all the interstellar interloping. We should check some of our gear and [Crewmate's Name] seems idle. Is there anything [he/she] should check?


[you will be asked to choose between three options, the specifics depending on what items your crew currently has, or nothing at all.]

  • Item (any)
    • (When the assigned crewmate was loyal) You asked [Crewmate's Name] to grab one of my robust checklist sheets and run through it with a chosen piece of equipment. [Crewmate's Name] gladly went over the checklist. While making [his/her] thorough check, [he/she] found a small sachet of soup taped behind the console. Ever respectful, [he/she] offered you the snack. Now THAT'S loyalty, [sir/ma'am]. +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for the Captain.
    • (When the assigned crewmate was insubordinate) You asked [Crewmate's Name] to go through one of my checklists with some equipment in the cabin. He/She clearly didn’t care for Astrocitizen protocol, [sir/ma'am], because it was a disaster. [Crewmate's Name] printed out unnecessary extra paper copies, leaving trash everywhere. The crew had to spend all afternoon trying to clean up the mess. My heartbeat indicators show that stress levels increased after the unnecessary work. -morale for Crewmates
  • Nothing
    • (When the assigned crewmate was insubordinate) You decided against checking any equipment yesterday, even though I was prepared to print out some checking sheets for you. But Captain, I realized that you haven’t just been missing my past checkup recommendations. [Crewmate's Name] has been disrespectfully using my defunct printouts as toilet paper! Some of our equipment is in even worse condition than we realized! One piece of equipment will break randomly.



Non-Critical Subsystem Meltdown


Captain, one of our non-critical subsystem is having a meltdown! The malfunction is serious, and the system won't talk to me. It has to be dealt with directly!


If we don't do anything, the breakdown will spill a braincell atrophy-inducing coolant into our ventilation system. In other words, you'd better improvise a solution to this crisis!


  • Artifact
    • You put your faith in the artifact as the subsystem was melting. Imagine my surprise when the coolant spilled, but stopped on the bubble of protective energy the item produced! I filtered the spillage out of the shuttle. We’re in the clear, and lucky for you! Braincell atrophy would just be the worst right now.
  • Communicator
    • The malfunctioning subsystem decided to remain composed. It might not have wanted to talk to me, but your use of the communicator to talk about its feelings did the trick. [-Communicator] The situation is under control, but as you finished your peptalk, the communicator sparked and emitted some weird buzzing sounds. -Communicator
  • First Aid Kit
    • The subsystem melted down and the coolant was released into the air, but you utilized various first aid supplies to counter its harmful effects. The entire kit is gone, but you feel unaffected. I filtered the spillage out of the shuttle. We’re in the clear, and lucky for you! Braincell atrophy would just be the worst right now. -First Aid Kit
  • Nothing
    • (With 2 or more crew members) So, how is everybody doing? I isolated the spilled coolant from the air, but you inhaled plenty of it… Odd. I don’t recall any of you being so skilled in folk dancing. Even more impressive, given no music is playing… A cursory readout of your brain patterns isn’t looking good, Astrocitizens. That spillage seriously damaged your grey matter. We should combat this immediately, so repeat after me: the walls are not made of candy. -sanity for everyone
    • (With 1 crew member) How are you two feeling? I isolated the spilled coolant from the air, but you inhaled plenty of it. Why is [Crewmate's Name] waving a red piece of cloth at you, Captain? On that note, why are you charging at it? A cursory readout of your brain patterns isn’t looking good, Astrocitizens. That spillage seriously damaged your grey matter. We should combat this immediately, so repeat after me: the walls are not made of candy. -sanity for two


Pantry Cheese


Well... that's unexpected. Captain, there's cheese in the pantry. At least, I think it's cheese. I don't know how it got there. Did somebody sneak it on board? Is there an infestation of alien mold? Was it the French?


Desperate times call for desperate measures, Captain. We don't know the origin of the mystery cheese. Will you eat it, anyway?


  • Yes
    • You decided to eat the strange cheese you found in the pantry. Unfortunately, the cheese wasn't cheese at all. It was an inedible soap product. Oops! You and the crew are even hungrier than you were before. You need to be more careful what you put in your mouth, Captain! -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for everyone
  • No
    • You didn't eat the cheese, and this was probably wise, as subsequent chemical analysis proved it was an inedible soap product. There is a joke in here somewhere about keeping your mouth clean that I am not quite savvy enough in the conventions of human humor to make.


Flux Capacitor


While doing a routine cleanup of my database, I came upon a blueprint for a device called the "flux capacitor." If installed, it might allow us to find our way home! However, it needs to be assembled.


Will you try to assemble the flux capacitor?


  • Yes
    • You were trying to assemble the flux capacitor yesterday when things went terribly wrong... One false move caused the contraption to explode. You got injured, but thankfully you weren't teleported anywhere (or anywhen). (injures captain)
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • No
    • I know of only one other person to successfully assembled the flux capacitor: a crazy scientist currently living in a small mountain town in California. Not sure which year.
    • (If you didn't have the tape the day before) I know of only one other person to successfully assembled the flux capacitor: a crazy scientist currently living in a small mountain town in California. Not sure which year. I wonder how you’re going to use all that tape you stockpiled for this project, though. Did you think I didn’t notice, Captain? +Tape


Coolant System Leak


Attention, Captain! I am detecting a leak in our reactor coolant system! In case you were wondering – this is not good.


Did I mention you should not inhale anything that comes out of the reactor? Please, don't. Also, how are you going to fix it?


  • Mask
    • I cannot determine if you actually read the "Fix-a-reactor" Astrocitizen leaflet, or if you just made random motions trying to see anything through the mask, but the leak is no more. You will be happy to hear no one has inhaled any of the coolant vapour. Well done, Captain! Not only did you fix the leak, but you also used the fumes to fuel up your old lucky lighter. Practical! +Lighter
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • Nothing
    • Teamwork goes so much better when a group of humans is faced with the possibility of a radioactive death. With all the chaos and cries for help, I can't even tell which one of you managed to fix the leak in the end. Too bad you inhaled quite a bit of coolant in the process. chance of -health for everyone



Weird Spots


Captain, are you all right? Those weird spots on your arms are a little worrisome. Can you see them? Please wait while I search the medical database.


SEARCHING... Unfortunately, I am unable to identify your affliction. I'm afraid you will have to diagnose it yourself. That shouldn't be too hard – doctors are overrated. Can you do that, Captain?


  • Handbook
    • ?
  • Nothing
    • Weird spots appeared on your body yesterday. You didn't do anything about it and the situation became much worse. You tried to self-diagnose, but clealry you're not qualified enough to do that... no, Captain, for the last time, it's NOT lupus. The affliction is unlikely to develop further, but your health already took a major hit. You need to take care of yourself, Captain. -health for the Captain, the Captain is now sick


Rash Affliction

Have you looked in the mirror recently, Captain? I couldn't help but notice that you seem to be afflicted with a rash of some sort. I hope it's nothing serious, but we can't rule out it being a symptom of a dangerous illness. You can never be too careful.


I strongly suggest that you do something about the rash. I swear, I'm only worried about your health. It's really not about how weird you look right now.


  • First Aid Kit
    • Hello there, Captain! You're looking very rested today! Great news - I can see that the rash you’ve struggled with is now completely gone. Who knows what would have happened if you left the rash untreated. It’s a good thing that you found the appropriate medicine in the first aid kit. I know I kept nagging you about it, but it’s for your own good, Captain. -First Aid Kit, the Captain is no longer sick, +health for the Captain
  • Handbook
    • Hello there, Captain! You're looking very rested today! I can see that you found a way to deal with that mysterious rash that was bothering you earlier. You couldn't figure out what the cause was, but at least you found instructions on how to treat it in your Astrocitizen handbook. It didn't have a name, so you gave it one – Cosmic Flu. How thoughtful of you. the Captain is no longer sick
  • Nothing
    • Hello there, Captain! Oh my, you don’t look so well today... Looks like the rash has spread all over your body. Ew. You seem to have a fever as well, Captain. You shouldn’t have left your affliction untreated... I hope you can recover quickly. The fate of the mission rests on your shoulders. But, you know. No pressure. -health for the Captain, the Captain is now sick



Let's Design A Game!


Space travel can be dull, but there are still TONS of ways to make your own fun. Trust me. I live in a computer. Let's design a game!


Your game will need a "core mechanic," which could revolve around an item. Get creative! What kind of game will you design?


  • Shovel
    • (With 2 or more crew members) You designed your game around the shovel. The core mechanic of your game was "tag." You, being the captain, were always "it." You chased the rest of the crew around the shuttle trying to smack them in the head. You played until no one wanted to play with you anymore. Still, the mood on the shuttle lightened. +sanity for everyone
    • (With 1 crew member) You designed your game around the shovel. The core mechanic of your game was “tug-of-war.” You and [Crewmate's Name] each grabbed one end of the shovel and pulled. You, being the captain, held onto the blade, which made beating [Crewmate's Name] super easy. You played until no one wanted to play with you anymore. Still, the mood on the shuttle lightened. +sanity for two
    • (Without crew) You designed your game around the shovel. The core mechanic of your game was “centripetal force,” and the only rule was that you could not stop until you fell over. You passed the time by swinging the shovel around in circles and making yourself dizzy. It wasn’t a long game, but boy/girl was it fun. +sanity for the captain
  • Lighter
    • (With 2 or more crew members) You designed your game around the lighter. The core mechanic of your game was ''chase the crew around the shuttle.'' If the person you were chasing got burned, they owed you ten push-ups. You played until realized how much the fire made you miss Earth. At least you could camp there. Remember camping? You and your crew sat next to the lighter, thinking about roasting marshmallows. +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for the everyone.
    • (With 1 crew member) You designed your game around the lighter. The core mechanic of your game was ''chase [Crewmate's Name] around the shuttle.'' If the person you were chasing got burned, they owed you ten push-ups. You played until realized how much the fire made you miss Earth. At least you could camp there. Remember camping? You and your crewmate sat next to the lighter, thinking about roasting marshmallows. +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for two.
    • (Without crew) You designed your game around the lighter. The core mechanic of your game was “finger movement.” You had to pass your finger through the flame fast enough so you wouldn’t get burned.  You played until you realized how much the fire made you miss Earth. At least you could camp there. Remember camping? You sat next to the lighter, thinking about roasting marshmallows. +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for the Captain.
  • Nothing
    • You did not design your game around an item, but rather your bare hands. The core mechanic of your game was "make funny shapes with your fingers." You made a banana slug, a dancing woman and a mustache. possibly +sanity for everyone?


Blackout


Captain? Where are you, Captain? I can't see you. It appears we've suffered a blackout.


You may wish to turn the lights back on before attempting your daily tasks.


  • Lighter
    • The light are back on! Turns out the issue was only a dead fuse. Now, what chewed through it with those tiny, razor-sharp spiral teeth is a different question entirely... but as long as the lights don't go out again, you'll probably see it coming, right?
  • Battery
    • The lights are back on! Turns out, the issue was only a dead battery. Now, what chewed through it with those tiny, razor-sharp spiral teeth is a different question entirely... but as long as the lights don't go out again, you'll probably see it coming, right? -Battery
  • Nothing
    • And A.S.T.R.O. said. "Let there be light!" I rerouted some energy from another system to power the emergency lighting module. I also made a joke, Captain. Did you notice? Unfortunately, the time you spent in the dark took a toll on your mental health. You heard tiny claws skittering all around you. They may or may not have been real. (The following is not displayed when you are alone.) Your crewmate isn’t happy with the way you handled this situation. Electricity is a basic necessity for humans traveling in deep space. Making someone sit in the dark like that goes against Astrocitizen protocol, Captain. -sanity for the Captain. If there is even one crew, -morale for crewmate, too.


Psychoactive Toxin


Captain, stop dancing immediately and listen! This is a crisis. You are not a sailor on Broadway... although, I must admit, you improvise beautifully. You have all been poisoned.


Some kind of psychoactive toxin has found its way onto the shuttle. Might have something to do with the airlock being full of... you-know-what. Yes, I know the colors sound pretty, but if we don't do something about it now, you may suffer permanent damage.


  • First Aid Kit
    • You acted swiftly, removing the toxin from each and every surface. I didn’t even know we had that much disinfectant on hand. You looked like a poster child for the Astrocitizen Program, jiving and singing as you were cleaning. The toxin finally wore off, and the smelling salts kicked in, but I recorded the whole act for posterity. I promise, it will make you famous.
  • Sock Puppet
    • When you put the sock on and proceeded to shimmy blissfully for another hour, I thought I'd lost you. On the count of three, you both smelled the sock, and your faces contorted like a communist pamphlet crumpled in a righteous hand. The shock sobered you up instantly! I'm glad to have you back.
  • Nothing
    • You decided to let the toxin wear off on its own. You sang in unison about the sails of hope on the sea of progress, and it might be a good thing that in space no one can hear you scream. It ended hours later, and I’m still worried. You’re barely speaking to me... or each other. Was fantasy that much better than this? Each of you has a bright future ahead. That’s what the Astrocitizen Program is all about! -sanity for everyone


Pretend You're Having A Good Time


There is nothing to report, Captain. I suggest you... Captain, would you mind covering your mouth when you yawn? I thought you got a good night's sleep. Wait, could this be... boredom? Yes, I have heard that you humans need excitement in their lives to function properly. How curious.


Captain, you're sitting in a state-of-the-art space shuttle, drifting through the deep cosmos, full of wonder and mystery. Can you at least pretend you're having a good time?

  • Handbook
    • Yesterday started pretty slow, but you managed to turn it around. Browsing your Astrocitizen handbook on the toil... I mean, in the airlock, you found a set of exercises and decided to try them out. You did jumping jacks all afternoon... how fun. But more importantly, it was healthy! You feel much better now.
  • Sock Puppet
    • Yesterday started pretty slow and boring, but you managed to turn it around with a puppet show. The only puppet you had was the sock, so it was more of a monodrana than anything else. It was still a very powerful spectacle, probably the best in this part of the galaxy. You feel proud, don’t you? In fact, the show was so intense that the sock is now unusable. Just another sacrifice in the name of art. -Sock
  • Nothing
    • Yesterday started pretty slow and boring... and it stayed this way. I'm not programmed for your entertainment, Captain, so don't count on me to keep you occupied. If they wanted you to have fun in the shuttle, they would have installed the C.L.O.W.N. computerized assistant instead.


Ship Contamination


WARNING! WARNING! We have a breach! The ship is about to be contaminated! I'm engaging all the emergency protocols available but my efforts appear to be useless. This contamination cannot be avoided.


You have to protect yourself, Captain, before it's too late!


  • Armor
    • Now that was unnerving, wasn't it? The ship was contaminated! Fortunately, your protective vest prevented you from getting infected. I will now initiate quarantine protocol toeliminate any leftover traces of the pathogen from the ship. Since your armor is now covered in extraterrestrial bacteria, I’m afraid you will have to dispose of it. Thank you for your understanding Captain. -Armor
  • Mask
    • The extraterrestrial contamination was no match for the Astrocitizen issued environmental mask! Quarantine end protocol will be executed at your earliest convenience, Captain. It is CPU-breaking to report that the air filter in the mask is now spent, rendering it unusable. Perhaps you should find or make another in case a similar crisis occurs in the future. -Mask
  • Nothing
    • Haven't you heard, Captain? This ship got contaminated. So please explain to me in a way that a humble AI like myself could understand - why would you not protect yourself? The fever, the coughing, and all the other symptoms I can confidently identify as “icky” are the result of this unfortunate crisis. The good news is they should be over, soon. -health for everyone, everyone is now sick


MOSCOW


The oxygen level is dropping. We have a malfunctioning filter in the Main Onboard Support Circuit for Oxygen Waste, or MOSCOW for short. I don't know who named it, and we cannot rule out sabotage...


You should fix it. You can reach MOSCOW from the zero-g space between the hull and the outer deck.


  • Yourself
    • (successful) You decided to fix the broken filter. You bravely sped through zero-g and grabbed the filter. You pulled hard, and as it gave in, a discharge of pure oxygen hit you. This oxygen therapy did wonders for your complexion. I think you're speaking faster, too. +intelligence for the Captain
    • (failure) You decided to fix the broken air filter. The space below decks was dimly lit and messy. An obscene hand drawing on a wall showed a Soviet and an American. You blushed furiously, then tripped into a mass of wires like a fork diving into a spaghetti plate. You forget to pause the air flow before removing the filter. When the carbon dioxide hit you, you made a face not unlike the Soviet in that drawing. Surely some of your brain cells died, but at least the filter was fixed! -intelligence for the Captain
  • A Crewmate
    • (successful) [Crewmate's Name] bravely sped through zero-g, grabbing hold of the broken air filter as surely as a gecko dipped in glue. He pulled hard and was hit by a discharge of pure oxygen. Captain, my sensors are showing that all that oxygen made [Crewmate's Name] smarter. A human mind receiving an upgrade is something we should celebrate! +intelligence for the assigned Crewmate.
    • (failure) As [Crewmate's Name] descended below decks, he/she noticed an obscene hand drawing of an American and a Soviet. [Crewmate's Name] blushed furiously, then tripped into a mass of wires like a fork diving into a spaghetti plate. Still tangled, he/she forgot to pause the air flow before removing the filter… When the carbon dioxide hit him/her, [Crewmate's Name] made a face not unlike the Soviet in that drawing. Many brain cells must have died in that very moment. The sacrifice was not in vain, though - we now have a fully functional air filter! -intelligence for the assigned Crewmate.


A Moment To Yourself


Something seems to be troubling you, Captain. I've registered you keep staring outside the window, into the endless void. Why? Did you lose something? I see... you are remembering Earth. I admit, it was nice. Before the nuclear BBQ, that is.


I can switch off for a second, Captain. Do you wish to have a moment to yourself?


  • Artifact
    • You've been worried about something, Captain, but it seems those troubles are behind you. I am not surprised by your choice to find comfort with the Astrocitizen issued Astrefact™. It is guaranteed to resolve any and all of your emotional issues. I can't tell if it was the mumbling to or the juggling of the artifact that helped, but I am glad to see you are doing better. +sanity for the Captain
  • Nothing
    • (With 2 or more crew members) That's right, Captain. Keep your emotions in check and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. That should keep you standing! You know what's better than one grim human? More grim humans! -sanity for everyone
    • (With 1 crew member) That's right, Captain. Keep your emotions in check and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. That should keep you standing! Why sulk by yourself, when you can share all the grim topics with your crewmate? Isn’t complaining one of the human pasttimes of you humans? -sanity for two
    • (Without crew) That's right, Captain. Keep your emotions in check and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. That should keep you standing! Remember, you can always talk to me. When I have a good day. And when I’m not running calculations. Apart from that, anytime. Just let me know 24 hours in advance. -sanity for the Captain

"Everything Is Not All Peaches And Cream"


What's that you're drawing, Captain? Is that supposed to be... ham? I understand, you're fed up with soup and you're reminiscing about Earth food. I would advise you don't go down that road.


Here, I have a useful program for just the occasion. It's called, "Everything is not all peaches and cream". It should help you focus your mind on different things. Would you like to start this process?


  • Yes
    • Success, Captain! Your culinary urges have been kept under control. We spent the afternoon talking about things other than food, and then circled back to agree on the many merits of tomato soup. Now, we should probably focus on surviving the mission at hand, wouldn't you say? Remember, life is but a bowl of cherries! I'm not sure what that means, but my programming tells me it should make you feel better.
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • No
    • (With 2 or more crew members) You decided not to partake in the anti-reminiscing therapy... I mean, program. Well, it certainly didn’t help that instead you spent the afternoon sharing secret family recipes amongst yourselves. All that thinking about food only made you hungrier. Did none of you ever hear that there’s no point crying over spilled milk? I’m afraid there is no going back to the way things were, and you all need to accept it. -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for everyone
    • (With 1 crew member) You decided not to partake in the anti-reminiscing therapy... I mean, program. Well, it certainly didn’t help that instead you spent the afternoon arguing with [Crewmate's Name] whether chocolate or vanilla was the definite ice cream flavor. All that thinking about food only made you hungrier. Did none of you ever hear that there’s no point crying over spilled milk? I’m afraid there is no going back to the way things were, and you both need to accept it. -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for two
    • (Without crew) You decided not to partake in the anti-reminiscing therapy... I mean, program. Well, it certainly didn’t help that instead you spent the afternoon creating pie-in-the-sky fantasies about desserts. All that thinking about food only made you hungrier. Did nobody ever tell you there’s no point crying over spilled milk? I’m afraid there is no going back to the way things were, and you need to accept it. -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for the captain


To Sert; Do Open


We found a small metal box in one of the compartments, labeled, "To Sert; Do Open."


You could take apart the lock and gather some elements from it, ignoring what's inside. Or you could try to open it, which would require deft fingers. Which will it be?

  • Intelligence
    • (successful) You carefully dismantled the lock on the box you found in the shuttle. The box being useless now, you turned your attention to the parts of the disassembled lock. The parts weren’t as useful as we hoped, but the lock was powered by a battery which you separated without a hitch! +Battery
    • (successful, if you already have a battery) You carefully dismantled the lock on the box you found in the shuttle. The box being useless now, you turned your attention to the parts of the disassembled lock. The electronic doodads looked promising, but most turned out to be trash. What a waste of time.
    • (failure) Tinkering with the box's lock did not pay off. You triggered its anti-tampering mechanism, and heard a breaking sound within. The box's contents were destroyed. It made you and your crew incredibly frustrated. chance of Crewmate becoming insubordinate
    • (failure, while alone) Tinkering with the box’s lock did not pay off. You triggered its anti-tampering mechanism, and heard a breaking sound from within. Suddenly your brain felt like jelly. The box’s contents were destroyed, and it made you incredibly frustrated. -sanity for the Captain
  • Agility
    • (successful) You got to opening the metal box we found on board, and a timer started. The controls initially looked intimidating, but you cracked them. You succeeded with the right sequence of button presses. Inside was a strange object. It was some sort of artifact! We know two things about the contents of the box: it's an artifact, and it's of alien origin. Exciting! +Artifact
    • (successful, if you already have an artifact) You got to opening the metal box we found on board, and a timer started. The controls initially looked intimidating, but you cracked them. You succeeded with the right sequence of button presses. Inside was a strange object. It was some sort of artifact! Disappointed, you placed it next to the one we owned, and they both spontaneously melted into a single object! Entertaining, but perhaps not worth all that trouble.
    • (failure) You tried opening the box, but failed to input the combination before the countdown completed. A bolt of energy shot out right past you! Unfortunately, it struck one of our soup cans. You didn't need a constant reminder of your past failures, so I tossed the box out of the airlock. - 1 Soup
    • (If you fail without having any soup the day before) You tried opening the box, but failed to input the combination before the countdown completed. A bolt of energy shot out right past you! Luckily, it only hit a pile of empty soup cans. I tossed the busted box out of the airlock to save space on board.

Let's have a party!

Captain, I am detecting a troubling build up of mental tension. Recommended course of action: throw an epic party. I took the liberty of inviting myself.

'Invite the entire crew? But of course. The more the merrier I guess... (Only says this if there are more than 2 crew members)'

How about we invite someone new, eh Captain? Someone you don't know. Or we make ourselves a new companion! Yes! How do we do it?

Items/Results Sock Puppet Mask Nothing
A.S.T.R.O Text That was one super party, Captain! I loved how you put a sock on your hand yesterday and pretended it's a person - a mysterious "(60 Seconds Family Name)" apparently. You've had quite a lively debate with it too! Well, desperation breeds unexpected chatmates, doesn't it?
MinusSockPuppet.PNG

I found it a little weird when you started arguing with the sock puppet and eventually tore it apart. You've got quite a temper, Captain! The important part is you blew off some steam.

The party was a hit, Captain! I love how you've put the mask in front of you and pretended it's a person - a

mysterious "(60 Seconds Family Name)" apparently. Could you tell me again who won the staring contest?

Hey there, Captain Buzz-Kill! Feeling better? I bet you'd be much better off after a night of partying with your friend A.S.T.R.O.. Your loss.
Effects -Sock puppet

+Morale for the entire team

-Mask

+Morale for the entire team

Either no change or

-Morale


It's A Bomb!

We are experiencing minor technical difficulties with the communications console. In other words, we are completely deaf and blind. I cannot pinpoint the origin of this malfunction, but I am registering an intensifying tonal signal. Captain, it's a bomb!

The countdown will be over soon. Do something, Captain!


  • Gun
    • (Alternative #1) There is nothing that can't be solved with violence, apparently. At least that's my take on you repeatedly firing the gun at the communications console and the bomb. Congratulations, the bomb was disabled in the gunfire frenzy. We survived. Chance of one piece of equipment will break randomly.
    • (Alternative #2) Firing the gun at the bomb hidden in the communications console was of course a viable solution, although unorthodox. The shot you fired punctured something and a cloud of stinky gas filled the shuttle, making everyone violently ill. Everyone is now sick
  • Armor
    • You pulled the bomb out and wrapped it in the protective layer of armor. The muffled kaboom was scary, but no one was hurt. How is the armor holding up? Oh... to shreds, you say. -Armor
  • Nothing
    • (alternative #1) Doing nothing about bombs exploding in cabins is of course a valid scenario, if you have a death wish. You clearly did. Sadly for you, the bomb had non-conventional payload – instead of big bang, there was only silent hissing of leaking gas. It did no harm the shuttle, (note: grammatical error. This should either be "It did not harm the shuttle" or "It did no harm to the shuttle") but – judging by your loud coughing – it might be toxic to humans. everyone is now sick
    • (alternative #2) When you sat down in front of the communications console (which was about to explode) and just folded your arms, my processor froze for a second. That was highly illogical. Suicidal even. And yet we're still here. How did you know it was not going to blow up, Captain? presumably no change
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]



April's Lost Screwdriver

April is always such a busy bee. I've never seen her sitting idly. Until now. When you asked her what's wrong, she was visibly distressed. "It's my favorite screwdriver, Captain. It's missing! I can't find anywhere. It's lost for good..." April is many things, but helpless is not one of them.


That tool must be very important to her. Also, we can't have loose screwdrivers lying around the ship. Where could it be?


  • Handbook
    • ?
  • Lighter
    • ?
  • First Aid Kit
    • "Do you remember where you saw it last?" you asked April about her screwdriver. She shook her head. "Can you remember what equipment you were using at the time? Maybe... First Aid Kit?" Her eyes lit up immediately. "That's it! Thank you so much!" she cried joyfully, and quickly collected her tool from a pile of other supplies. "It was a gift from my Papa. He gave it to my on my 16th birthday," she explained, carefully weighing the precious screwdriver in her hands, as if she was holding a piece of delicate china. presumably +Morale for April
  • Nothing
    • ?



Disturbance In Mini-Reactor


Ma'am/Sir, I'm detecting an unusual disturbance in our mini-reactor!


You see the membrane of light? Space-time itself (is) tearing open! Figures are moving and speaking on the other side... 'Don't - - through - - exchange exotic matter or - - risk - -.' What do we do? Offer something or attempt to communicate?


  • Communicator
    • (If you don't have a handbook) The space-time breach in the mini-reactor chamber Was still bubbling when you pulled out your communicator. Just as you turned it on, a pair of arms wearing Astrocitizen patches reached out of the shimmer! One yanked the communicator away from you while the other shoved an Astrocitizen handbook into your chest. You tried to reach in, but the tear was already gone. -Communicator, +Handbook
    • (If you already have a handbook) The space-time breach in the mini-reactor chamber was still bubbling when you pulled out your communicator. Just as you turned it on, a pair of arms wearing Astrocitizen patches reached out of the shimmer! They grabbed the communicator from your hands and withdrew into the space-time rift before you could react. You tried to reach in after it but the tear was already gone. -Communicator
  • Artifact
    • The space-time breach in the mini-reactor chamber was still bubbling when you threw the artifact in there. The figure on the other side became perfectly clear for a moment... It was you! The tear closed up just as you got a good look. When it was closing, a first aid kit came flying out! Sincere thanks or simply part of the ‘exchange’, I wonder... -Artifact + First Aid Kit
  • Nothing
    • You ignored the space-time tear in our mini-reactor, but it quickly destabilised. It slowly grew before suddenly ballooning. It washed over [Crewmate's Name] before dissipating. He/She reports a dull ache, as if some part of him/her is now missing... At least the mini-reactor is now operating optimally. One of your crew will be injured.



Crack In Air Filtration System


I'm detecting high levels of an unknown toxin in our air system. Analysis shows it isn't TOO dangerous, but it has hallucinogenic properties, so, you shouldn't be breathing it long-term.


The air filtration system got jostled around during the crash, and a crack may have opened. What will you use to seal the crack?


  • Artifact
    • You used the artifact to seal the crack. You and crew took the "spiritual" approach, and breathed in as much of the toxin as you could before worshipping the artifact until it spoke. I am Gorba the Soul-infector, the artifact said. "Take some of the sacred dust from my base and add spit." You did, and it sealed the crack, but when you awoke, the crew had no idea what you were talking about. -morale for everyone
  • Atomic Battery
    • You used the battery and some heated metal to seal the crack. Melting stuff is fun! Unfortunately, the only metal you had free for your little welding project was a can of soup, which was destroyed. - 1 Soup
  • Tape
    • You used tape to repair the crack. It's never a bad idea to use some tape! Seconds after the crack was sealed, you felt better. +health for the Captain
  • Nothing
    • ?



Cooling Feedback Loop

Can you hear my teeth chattering, Captain? Of course you can't, because I'm a computer and I have no teeth. Duh! Still, I regret to inform you that the heat module is stuck in a cooling feedback loop. It's going to get very cold, very soon.


My vacuum tubes will be fine, but you should protect yourself or you'll freeze, Captain!


  • Armor
    • I was able to break the loop in the heat module, Captain! It's working fine, now. You can put that vest away. Everyone already had a turn wearing it. No change
    • (while alone) I was able to break the loop in the heat module, Captain! It’s working fine, now. You can put that vest away. Or not - it looks good on you! No change
  • Lighter
    • The heat module has reset to factory defaults and is running on its "tropical" setting, Captain. Suggestion: why don't we make the lighter a "heat module backup system"? It worked today; it will again! No change
  • Sock Puppet
    • It was freezing cold, but that sock did the trick. It’s lucky the heat module reset just in time. I could tell you were getting tired sharing that lone sock between each other. No change
    • (While alone) It was freezing cold, but that sock did the trick. It’s lucky the heat module reset just in time. I could tell you were getting tired switching that sock between your feet. No change
  • Nothing
    • (Display pattern 1) The heat module is up and running, Captain. We're officially not a refrigerator, anymore. What’s that on your nose, though? An icicle? Captain, is this an Astrocitizen shuttle or an igloo? Because I can’t really tell. I would advise to issue medical supplies to your crew. -health for everyone
    • (Display pattern 2) The heat module is up and running, Captain. We're officially not a refrigerator, anymore. What’s that on your nose, though? An icicle? The extreme cold was not kind for you and your crewmate. I'd check up with a doctor, if I was you. Too bad the closest one is 60parsecs away. If any survived the nuclear war, that is. -health for everyone
    • (If the captain was injured or weakened the day before) The heat module is up and running, Captain. We're officially not a refrigerator, anymore. What’s that on your nose, though? An icicle? That’s just the tip of the iceberg. You’re basically a block of ice now! I’m afraid the journey is over for you, Captain. Game over



Hitchhiker On Board


Captain, we have a hitchhiker on board! A flash of light, and this humanoid, dressed in a strange space suit, appeared in the corner.


We have many means of interacting with the visitor, but should be cautious. Who knows what his purpose is?


  • Artifact
    • You showed the teleporting alien our mysterious artifact. The hitchhiker reacted to it with reverence, mumbling in a strange tongue. His worship of the artifact ended abruptly when his suit started chirping. He used some dials on the suit and, with a flash, was gone! Curiously, a [Randomized Object] appeared in his place. +a randomised object
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • Gun
    • ?
  • Shovel
    • You acted on instinct, grabbing the closest weapon-like item to defend yourself from this intrusion. The shovel! The alien kept evading your swings. You almost got him, but his suit chirped, and he suddenly vanished. You kept swinging the shovel until you hit the shuttle wall with a loud BANG.
  • Nothing
    • The visitor used your inaction to adjust a voice modulator. He spoke in a distorted parody of your own language, introducing himself as a time traveller. He arrived from a future in which humanity has been enslaved by sentient pasta. His tale complete, the traveller vanished from the shuttle, but his words left a heavy impression on you.



Events: Phobonos

These events can only occur after landing on Phobonos.


Alien Bunker


This planet's crust appears to have undergone a multitude of drastic traumas, because over a hill nearby you find a broad chasm running to the world's core – a toothy rift in the tectonic crust.


Most interestingly, on the near side of the chasm is half an angular alien bunker. Its counterpart is mostly on the far side and in ruins, but a cable runs between the two, linking up to a small, safe-like object on the far side. Do you wish to tightrope-walk over to the container, or attempt to pull it over to you?


  • Agility
    • (successful): ?
    • (failure): You barely managed to grab the cable and hang on for dear life in the crevice. The weight of the container was such that, in order to pull you back up, we had to use the shuttle engine for a winch. Precious fuel wasted, Captain! -10 Energy
  • Strength
    • (successful): ?
    • (failure): ?


A roving signal


[Sir/Ma'am], a roving signal is passing nearby. Let me analyze it. ZZZZZ-the signal contained a virus, Captain! It seems to have infected our crafting module. It’s reprogramming the module’s firmware and is... activating it! I’m not sure where it’s getting power, or the purpose behind the module’s strange movements. Do you wish to try inserting anything into its receptacle, or to try siphoning power out of it?

  • Artifact
    • You held a vote, and the crew decided to insert an artifact into our hacked crafting module. A moment later, it began firing a ray, deconstructing the artifact molecule-by-molecule! In its place appeared a warm, umami-smelling mass. After someone bravely tried a corner, they gestured you over, and within moments all the stuff was gone. Who knew reconstituted artifact would be both delicious and nutritious? The infection deleted itself, and the module returned to its previous state. Too bad, Captain. -Artifact, +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for the everyone.
    • (While you are alone) You decided to insert an artifact into our hacked crafting module. A moment later, it began firing a ray, deconstructing the artifact molecule-by-molecule! In its place appeared a warm, umami-smelling mass. You tasted a little corner before devouring the lot. Who knew reconstituted artifact would be both delicious and nutritious? The infection deleted itself, and the module returned to its previous state. Too bad, Captain. -Artifact, +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for the captain.


A Schoolbus-Sized Cockroach


[Sir/Ma'am], a sound just came from nearby. It appears to be... a cockroach the size of a schoolbus! Scratch that – it's a dead cockroach. A figure is sitting on top of it, out of breath, with a spear in hand. It's seen us – it's approaching!


The masked alien is rubbing its stomach and gesturing our way. I think it wants food. Do you want to offer it some? I'll see if I can translate its mumblings.


  • Soup
    • The strange little cockroach killer appreciated the soup you gave it. It then threw a spare spear your way – lightly – and spent several hours training you in the way of roach-slaying. [-1 soup] You feel nimbler than before! After it left, I managed to translate some of what it said to us. "I'm a rad roach hunter. As in, I'm a radical guy who hunts roaches. Do you have any food?" An earnest chap, apparently. You made the correct choice, [sir/ma'am]. -1 soup, +agility for the captain
  • Nothing
    • The strange little cockroach killer walked away mumbling when you declined to provide food. After it left, I managed to translate some of what it said to us. "I'm a rad roach hunter. As in, I'm a radical guy who hunts roaches. Do you have any food?" After you said no, it wandered away muttering "You guys aren't rad. You guys aren't rad at all."


Acid Rain


Watch your head, [sir/ma'am]! A dark green storm of acid rain has wafted overhead! The acidic fluid is melting bits of the shuttle's insulation.


You only have a couple of seconds until everyone will be washed in chemicals. You grab a loose hull panel. Are you going to block the leaks from the inside or the outside of the shuttle? The former may need a lot of strength, while the latter may need a lot of speed and balance.


  • Agility
    • (successful) ?
    • (failure) During the acid storm, you ran up onto the slippery shuttle to seal the leak, but you kept stumbling and losing your footing on the hull. Eventually you gave up. The chemical rain leaked into the shuttle and got everywhere, even as you tried to sweep it away. It was enough to make everyone spew up the last portion of soup they enjoyed. Some stay dry, and others feel the stomach pain. Acid rain!
  • Strength
    • (successful) ?
    • (failure) ?


Mushroom Cloud


Something is going wrong on the ship, [sir/ma'am]. Or... on the entire planet. Look out the window. A huge mushroom cloud has erupted on the horizon, but it is frozen, stock still. It also appears to be raining safety pins and bottles of ointment.


Reality is getting weird on Phobonos, [sir/ma'am]. Until this anomaly passes, you had better do something to keep the [no. of team members] of you grounded. The artifact appears to be untouched by the anomaly. Or, you could use a sock puppet. Thoughts?


  • Artifact
    • Thank goodness that reality-bending nightmare ended, [sir/ma'am]. It must have been caused by the detonation (note: there should be an "of" in this sentence) a powerful weapon, and not a nuclear of chemical one. Throughout the ordeal, you decided to focus on the artifact on the shelf, which was behaving remarkably normally. You picked it up. It fell back down. You turned it upside down. It didn't right itself. That helped keep your mind screwed on until the spacetime anomaly ended.
    • (If you don't have armor the day before) Thank goodness that reality-bending nightmare ended, [sir/ma'am]. It must have been caused by the detonation a powerful weapon, and not a nuclear or chemical one. Throughout the ordeal, you decided to focus on the artifact on the shelf, which was behaving remarkably normally. The artifact looked completely normal at first, but then, you could swear it started moving. The statute's hand or leg - whatever cows have - raised and pointed to a small hole in the shuttle wall. You took the wall panel off and found an armored vest inside. +Armor
  • Sock Puppet
    • You grabbed your treasured sock from its metal security case and slid it on your hand. While time appeared to move more and more quickly outside, the slow-motion explosion gradually dissipating, you focused on its blank eyes. As gravity and time appeared to resume normal day-to-day operations, a few glitches in reality occurred. Your hair stood on end as you looked out the porthole and saw a strange world of bulbous beings and trees made out of shop receipts. But worst of all, the sock puppet, still on your hand, disappeared into thin air. You tried not to let the loss get to you before reality normalized. -sock puppet
  • Nothing
    • ?


A worm-al signature


[Sir/Ma'am], I’ve detected a worm-al signature on board! Parasites have worked their way up your noses and into your bodies! We need to get them out. Will you use some tweezers to try and pull them out, or exercise your knowledge of invertebrate organisms to think of a cure?


  • Intelligence
    • (successful) You showed impressive recall while dealing with the worms up your noses, Astrocitizens! You remembered that certain salts can act as a toxin to nose-based parasites. You scraped residue from my shuttle saline containers, and forced everyone to snort the lot. Everyone felt much better soon after. You might worm your way into the Astrocitizen history books with that one, Captain.


A toppled object


Captain, a member of the crew has found a toppled object nearby. A flat edge protruding from the ground, with lights flickering below the dirt.

You report that it appears to be a computer interface - strange hexagonal buttons and an alphabet of 60 characters. Who would you nominate to study it further?

  • Yourself
    • (successful) After studying the toppled alien computer for a few hours, you astutely pointed out that the language appeared to be an a abjad - a writing system without vowel symbols. Then we realized what we were reading. It was some sort of historical record akin to a news article! The texts described a devastating war on this world, seemingly long ago, which left  it in ruin - one both nuclear and chemical in nature. It’s good to know humans aren’t the only self-destructive force in the universe... if not surprising whatsoever. You felt a little more sane with this knowledge. +sanity for the captain


Suit or Case?


We came across one of the planet's apparent inhabitants. The alien, carrying a heavy-looking case, entered a nearby bunker-looking structure and you followed.


He left his armor-like suit and the case on a rack with a multitude of other suits and cases. The alien is apparently taking a shower, act fast! Will you snatch one of the suits and run, or force a random case open?


  • Agility
    • (successful) Your foray into the alien bunker went well, Captain! You grabbed one of the armored suits and got out of there quickly. The bunker door swung shut and locked behind you. They had plenty of spares; they probably didn’t even notice one went missing. Once back at the shuttle, you tried the armor on for size. It might not be perfect, but the suit roughly fits your frame. The armor is sturdy and will surely be useful in the future. +Armor
    • (successful, If you already had armor the day before) Your foray into the alien bunker went well, Captain! You grabbed one of the armored suits and got out of there quickly. The bunker door swung shut and locked behind you. They had plenty of spares; they probably didn’t even notice one went missing. Once back at the shuttle, you tried the armor on for size. No luck! You tried putting it on one way and another, but you just couldn’t fit inside. Filled with sudden regret, you trotted back to the bunker and placed the armor outside with a “Sorry” note attached.
    • (failure) Your bunker visit went poorly. While indecisively staring at various-sized suits on the rack, the alien reemerged and you had to flee before the bunker door closed behind you! Depending on how you cut it, the lesson here is either "Don't steal from random strangers," or "If you do steal from random strangers, be better at it." Hard to say which it is.
  • Strength
    • (successful) Your foray into the alien bunker went well, Captain! You grabbed one of the cases from the rack and wasted no time forcing it open. The lock gave with a crack, revealing myriads of loose electronic components, perhaps scavenged from elsewhere on the planet’s surface. You spotted a battery, one that seemingly needed just a couple of fixes to bring it up to working order. You snatched it and fled the bunker, its huge door swinging shut behind you. +Battery
    • (successful, If you already had battery the day before) Your foray into the alien bunker went well, Captain! You grabbed one of the cases from the rack and wasted no time forcing it open. The lock gave with a crack, revealing myriads of loose electronic components, perhaps scavenged from elsewhere on the planet’s surface. Without much time to think, you rooted around among the circuit boards and cables, but nothing appeared useful. You left the bunker in a hurry, so you wouldn’t be spotted.
    • (failure) Your bunker visit went poorly. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t crack the case open in time, and got caught in the act! You barely escaped from the bunker before it closed behind you. Depending on how you cut it, the lesson here is either "Don't steal from random strangers," or "If you do steal from random strangers, be better at it." Hard to say which it is.


A troupe of aliens with clipboards


Captain! A troupe of aliens with clipboards are bashing on our door! They are all heavily mutated, some with wonky limbs, some with extra limbs, one with no limbs at all. They clamp some kind of device that onto the airlock door and force it open!


Fifteen of the little gas-masked aliens get stuck in our airlock, scribbling on scaly paper. If you have a weapon you could wave it at them or make a warning attack. The alternative is to leave them to it. They seem to only be taking records.


  • Nothing
    • You decided to let the troupe of mutated bureaucrats run around our ship with clipboards. They took note on every little detail in the place. They stayed all night. But once they were either bored of recording every detail or wanted to stress test all of our equipment, they pulled out metal bats and began bashing things! They wrecked some equipment and resources before you managed to herd them out of the ship with manic screaming. Three pieces of equipment will break randomly.
  • Gun
    • Tired of the troupe of mutated aliens running around in our ship with clipboards, you pulled our pistol off the wall and waved it at them, shouting. They ignored you, and kept running around, perusing every minute detail of the cabin. Eventually, you opened the airlock door and fired a warning shot into the sky. The bureaucrats stopped in their tiny tracks and stared at the gun with gleaming eyes. Then they hung their heads and shuffled out. A little procession of protocol.

Spacetime-Affecting Fog Sock Lady

[Sir/Ma'am], some kind of anomaly is sweeping over us. It's not radioactive, or chemical... It's a sort of spacetime-affecting fog. Lights flicker within as if it carries a charge. Could it be part of this world's ruined ecosystem...?

Um. Captain, do you see that outside? I didn't think it was possible for a computer to hallucinate but... You see it? The giant kettle? It seems to be speaking to us. It's asking if we've... met the "sock" lady? Does that ring any kettle-bells, Captain?

  • Yes
    • After we responded to the kettle apparition, it proceeded to spout some words about not discussing "Lucy." It didn't make much sense.
    • The anomaly blew away shortly afterwards, leaving the dead plains of this wretched world in its stead. And I only just realised the thing was speaking English. (Nothing happens).
  • No.
    • After we responded to the kettle apparition, it proceeded to spout words about not discussing "Lucy." It didn't make much sense. The anomaly blew away into mist shortly afterwards. Lying in its place was a sock. I don't like this planet, Captain! +The Sock


Events: Mootopia

These events can only occur after landing on Mootopia.

Sandstorm


Captain, according to my calculations, we can expect a light sandstorm in the area in just a few hours. It might be a good learning opportunity if we use the right tools.


If you have a look at our inventory, perhaps you'll find something we can make use of during this event. If not to learn more about it, then at least maybe to secure the shuffle?


  • Communicator
    • As the sandstorm neared the shuttle, you picked up our communicator to use this opportunity for understanding the strange transmissions that follow this weather. The time you spent deciphering the creepy whispers and weird riddles in the airwaves took a toll on your well-being. You learned a little, but paid a price for your curiosity. -sanity for the Captain, potentially +intelligence for the Captain?
  • Tape
    • As the sandstorm neared the shuttle, you decided that it would be prudent to strengthen parts of the ship with economically distributed bits of tape. Better safe than sorry is not a bad motto to have when stranded on an alien world. The storm passed us by without incident. The tape didn’t seem to help, but you did have to rip a piece off your forearm, taking a few armhairs with it.
  • Armor
    • As the sandstorm neared the shuttle, you decided that it might be worth talking a little risk. You put on the armor and collected some tools to see what you could gather outside. It paid off, as you managed to collect some useful chemical reagents from the whirling dust. May I suggest erring on the side of caution in the future, though? +20 Chemicals
  • Nothing
    • The storms on this planet come and go, and you didn't feel like taking any specific action this time around. The howling wind outside had a lulling effect on you, however. My sensors malfunctioned at the same time you fell asleep, if you can believe that. As we all came to, it doesn't seem like anything has changed on the ship... but, I'm taking a thorough look at my system. unknown effect


Scenario No. 87394b


Something fell from the sky in a flash, and now you are surprised we are surrounded by a swarm of red, winged... somethings. Of course, I anticipated this. This is Scenario No. 87394b. The small creatures are flying into our walls in waves, causing the hull to reverberate like a speaker.


"Are you god?" They reverberate. "For generations, we have been searching for The One Who Thinks Outside the Hive. Each jump from planet to planet decimates us. Are you The One?" I, for one, believe you deserve a cult following, Captain, but the choice is yours.


  • Artifact
    • The swarm of tiny red aliens spoke to you through the hull’s vibration. You tried answering, but they just hovered over our ship, like flies over fresh manure. Then you took the artifact, and the improbable happened. They moved in unison with your movements. You spoke, anticipating their questions, and they flew in response. Your minds must have touched, and the alien flies trusted you. The thickest group split mid-air, revealing a book. They carried it gently through the air and into your hands, then flew in synchronicity with your lips as you read passages to them. In the end, they circled you reverently and sped away, leaving the book and your mind for good. +Handbook
    • (If you already had handbook the day before) The swarm of tiny red aliens spoke to you through the hull’s vibration. You tried answering, but they just hovered over our ship, like flies over fresh manure. Then you took the artifact, and the improbable happened. They moved in unison with your movements. You spoke, anticipating their questions, and they flew in response. Your minds must have touched, and you heard each other. You read the handbook to them, revealing the galaxy’s laws. They flew in synchronicity with your lips the whole while. When you finished, they drew an intricate shape in the air, and you looked calmly at it as if you understood. At last, they sped away.
  • Nothing
    • The swarm of tiny red flies spoke to you through the hull's vibration. You answered by shouting through the window, which obviously was not an adequate response; the swarm repeated its initial question louder and louder. Fast on your track to becoming deaf, you threw a couple of insults and a can of soup at the aliens. The latter worked. The swarm followed the trail of leaking soup, accepting your involuntary peace offering with angry flight patterns. The soup conquers all, yet again. -1 Soup


A Two-Dimensional Species!


I am a machine, and machines cannot hear voices. The voices that I'm not hearing right now are getting very loud, though. Oh, you hear them, too...? My weight sensors are picking something up, as well.


A two-dimensional species! That explains why my cameras missed them. Quite vicious, I gather. With one, decisive yell the voice are approaching fast. The air inside the door looks very empty, yet very hostile all of a sudden. How will you defend us, Captain?


  • Communicator
    • A two-dimensional species attacked our ship. You chose words instead of violence. Immediately, a stream of accusations flew from the communicator. The voices claimed you were prejudiced against the no-depth. Unflappable, you apologized for all three-dimensional beings. They were touched, called you all flat-in-spirit, and vowed friendship toward the depth-dependent.
  • Lighter
    • A two-dimensional species invaded your ship. You could not see them coming until you turned on a lighter. Suddenly the empty space around you cast a multitude of shadows on every surrounding wall. Invisible to the 3D world most of the time, they could not handle the spotlight. Bashfully, they slipped out one by one. Staring might be impolite, but apparently rudeness wins battles. You all look bolder and stand a little straighter since that victory. +morale for Crewmates
  • Shovel
    • A two-dimensional species invaded our ship. You faced a threat invisible yet deadly, like a rumour on the stock market. You attacked blindly, you all stomping and shoveling, looking like a pantomime about snow clearing. You worked in unison, trusting each other instead of your eyes. You forgot your fear, uncertainty, even hunger – – only the pantomime remained. Soon the angry yells turned into squeals and the invisible attackers were all swept outside. Congratulations. You would make for one incredible cleaning crew. +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for everyone, +morale for Crewmates
  • Nothing
    • A two-dimensional species attacked your ship. You listened curiously as the angry voices groaned with effort. Several laborious hours later, their two-dimensional barricade was ready, resembling a thin origami napkin to your untrained 3D eyes. It crumpled when you sneezed. The voices sounded devastated. You tried to look impressed and fearful, but they didn’t notice.


Hovering Multicolored Cube



A hovering, multicolored cube has appeared outside the shuttle. It's about head-high, and contains many moving parts. It didn't respond to my hail. I also tried offering it food. Nothing.


Captain, I think it's a puzzle. You solve it by moving the pieces, so each of the cube's faces shows the correct color. I don't know what's at stake if you win or lose. Do you want to try solving it?


  • Yes
    • (successful) ?
    • (failure) You attempted to solve the puzzle of the glowing, floating cube, but with each rotation of the faces, your frustration grew. Eventually, you gave up. The cube let out a decisive "Moo!" and lifted off into the starry night, leaving you scratching your head and wondering how anyone could be smart enough to solve that thing.
  • No
    • (successful) You did not attempt to solve the puzzle of the glowing, floating cube. The cube blinked three times, and then began solving itself. It lowered its difficulty level for you! The cube was easy to solve once it lowered its difficulty level. Within minutes, you’d spun the cube’s faces into the proper order. The cube gave a decisive "Moo! Moo!" and refilled your power reserves as a reward. +20 Power
    • (failure) You did not attempt to solve the puzzle of the glowing, floating cube. The cube blinked three times, and then began solving itself. It lowered its difficulty level for you! No matter how long you observed the cube, no pattern in its logic emerged. Eventually, it gave a decisive "Mooo!" and flew away, leaving you to wander how anyone could be smart enough to solve it.


Decode the Message


Captain, we picked up a transmission! It seems to be a recording that's been playing on a loop for many, many years... Unfortunately, the message is in a foreign language and you can't understand it.


Perhaps you can use something to decode the message?


  • Handbook
    • Yesterday, we picked up a transmission that's been playing for years. Since the message was in a foreign language, you had to use a guide to decode its meaning. While you weren't able to translate the entirety of the message, you did figure out that it describes an ancient pyramid, the location of which you were able to determine. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to explore that pyramid... Keep that in mind when planning your next expedition, Captain. The pyramid is added to your map.
  • Nothing
    • Yesterday, we picked up a transmission that’s been playing for years. However, since the massage was in a foreign language, you weren’t able to decode its meaning. If I were you, I’d make sure to find a guide of some sort to help you translate the message, as we will surely pick it up again sooner or later. Who knows, maybe the transmission contains clues that could prove essential to your survival...


A Storm On The Horizon


Captain, my weather systems are detecting a storm on the horizon. It's moving fast, so it will hopefully pass by tomorrow, but this one could get nasty; thunder, lightning, gale-force winds, sharp objects howling at you from every which-way.


I'd like to keep monitoring the storm's movement throughout the night, but doing so will require my sensors to run on battery power, as it is unadvisable to leave the main generator reactor through a storm. What do you want to do?


  • Atomic Battery
    • You ran the weather monitoring systems on battery power. The storm moved south, and you were spared the worst of it. By morning, it had completely passed. Ooh! Don't you love the smell after it rains? You spent the morning sifting through the washed-up junk piles, but it was just a bunch of waterlogged crap.
  • Nothing
    • You chose to wait out the storm rather than run the monitoring systems on battery power. The wind pelted against the walls of the shuttle, but that was it. By morning, the weather was calm again. You spent the morning sifting through the washed-up junk piles, but it was just a bunch of waterlogged crap.


Weird Spots


Captain, are you all right? Those weird spots on your arms are a little worrisome. Can you see them? Please wait while I search the medical database.

SEARCHING... Unfortunately, I am unable to identify your affliction. I'm afraid you will have to diagnose it yourself. That shouldn't be too hard – doctors are overrated. Can you do that, Captain?


  • Handbook
    • Weird spots appeared on your body yesterday. Luckily, you found a solution in the handbook The spots were the first symptoms of a potentially dangerous and highly shameful ailment. At least it was easy to cure. All you needed to do was to follow the step-by-step instructions in the handbook.
  • Nothing
    • Weird spots appeared on your body yesterday. You didn't do anything about it and the situation became much worse. You tried to self-diagnose, but clealry you're not qualified enough to do that... no, Captain, for the last time, it's NOT lupus. The affliction is unlikely to develop further, but your health already took a major hit. You need to take care of yourself, Captain. -health for the Captain, the Captain is now sick


Ancient Dispenser Machine


While exploring in the shuttle's closest vicinity, you realise that what you thought was a rock formation is actually an ancient dispenser machine, caked with dust and dirt. Covered with simple depictions of soup cans, it seems to have ran out of power a long time ago. We could try to fix it... but how?


  • Atomic Battery
    • The soup dispenser we found nearby was briefly rejuvenated when you connected our battery to an ancient receptacle. It came alive, playing a merry tune, and broke down just a few seconds later. In the brief time it was operational, the machine released a refreshing aroma into the atmosphere. Some of it reached you through the suit, and improved your vigor! +health for the Captain.
  • Gun
    • (with 2 or more crewmate onboard) The soup drawings on the dispenser have proved to be excellent for a shooting contest. Competing with the crew in this friendly manner boosted your spirits. Of course, the machine didn't take this kind of mistreatment well. It's a complete wreck, but you haven't had this much fun in a while, so you can agree it was worth it.
    • (with one crewmate onboard) Following [Crewmate's Name]'s suggestion, you used the drawings on the old dispenser for a shooting contest. Competing in this friendly manner boosted your spirits. Of course, the machine didn't take this kind of mistreatment well. It's a complete wreck, but you haven't had this much fun in a while, so you can agree it was worth it. +health or sanity for the Captain (?)
    • (while alone) The soup drawings on the old dispenser have proved to be excellent for target practice. On this desolate planet, the act of calmly aiming and shooting at the images soothed your nerves. Of course, the machine didn't take this kind of mistreatment well. It was already a wreck before, but it’s definitely useless now.
  • Nothing
    • You left the ancient soup dispenser alone. It looked like it was in horrible shape - a gust of wind and a few stray rocks that fell from a nearby hill were enough to wreck it to pieces. The existence of technology like that on this planet is surprising. You spent the afternoon sketching out theories about time-travelling hardware.


Crystal-Saurus


Captain, there's a huge construct of some kind approaching the shuttle. It's neither animal nor robot. It's made out of moving crystal lattices, like a giant, walking... crystal-saurus. OW! That was one hell of a hit! The crystal-saurus slammed into the shuttle, and is currently scraping the hull open with its... claws? Butt? I don't know! I think it's trying to extract our minerals! Captain, how will you stop this?


  • Gun
    • You fired a warning shot at the crystal-saurus’s feet. It was a grazing hit, but it worked. The crystal-saurus roared and galloped away. The shot blew off enough stuff from the crystal-saurus's foot for us to harvest it for resources. Yay, minerals! +20 Minerals
  • Nothing
    • You chose to do nothing to stop the crystal-saurus attacking the shuttle. It scraped at the hull for a few hair-raising minutes before wandering off. I guess it got what it came for. The standard Astrocitizen Program protocol for dealing with monsters of unknown origin, especially when U.S. government property is at risk, is appeasement. I put some of our minerals outside to make the crystal-saurus go away. You can thank me later. You know, for saving your life. -10 Minerals
    • (If you didn't have any minerals the day before) You chose to do nothing to stop the crystal-saurus attacking the shuttle. It scraped at the hull for a few hair-raising minutes before wandering off. I guess it got what it came for. We didn’t lose anything of value, and the shuttle wasn’t too badly damaged. We got off lucky, Captain.


Sweet Old Charles Darwin


A sweet old man looking like Charles Darwin is knocking at our airlock politely. You let him in, he shakes your hand... then holds it in an iron grip, and won't let go. "With technology, evolution stops. Soviet scientists want our species to stay strong, so they created me, the natural selection bot.


He claims it is for your own good, which is what the dentist always said, and you didn't believe him either. "You've let me in, despite the warning signs. Now face your space predator, human." He does have a point, Captain. Oh, I can see why you'd want to postpone the discussion. Defend yourself!


  • Armor
    • A Darwinian predator droid held you in its grip. You thrust yourself back, And with one swift motion slipped the armor on. It pulled a gun and shot, but your armor held. You braced yourself, But what  the droid did was far worse than anything you could’ve imagined. Charles Darwin burst into tears. "I was so afraid I would have to kill you!" it said, and you shared the sentiment. "But you're excellent at defending yourself, thus worthy to survive. I'm so glad!" It hugged you tightly like a very friendly boa and left.
  • Gun
    • A Darwinian predator droid held you in its grip. You raised a gun and shot point blank into its chest. It staggered backwards, but seemed to have suffered no damage. As it straightened up, you braced yourself and aimed. Nothing could have prepared you for this. Charles Darwin burst into tears. "I was so afraid I would have to kill you!" it said, and you shared the sentiment. "But you're excellent at defending yourself, thus worthy to survive. I'm so glad!" It hugged you tightly like a very friendly boa and left.
  • Shovel
    • A Soviet-made Darwinian predator held you in its grip. “The shovel is mightier than the sword!” You yelled, which took it by surprise. You insisted survival was about working together, not the sheer strength of a single soul. “I took you in, you attacked as if you were against sharing the common. Are you a bad communist?” You sneered. The predator hesitated. You commanded it to dig the letters “I will not hunt without thinking” in the ground one hundred times. Like a scolded schoolchild, the predator took the shovel and went to work. He disappeared from my cameras’ range at the 73rd line, and I have not seen it since. -Shovel
  • Nothing
    • A Darwinian predator droid held you in its grip. You cursed the weakness of your human body out loud, as you tried to wrestle free. The droid froze, offended “The human body is not weak! It is a wonder of evolution!” In a zealous rage, the droid preached about evolution. You edged it closer to the airlock, then pushed it out mid-lecture. You’re safe, but the droid’s verdict Inspired dark thoughts In your head. Are you fit for survival? Or are you the weak link? -sanity for the captain or morale for everyone


Posterity Archives


I've discovered a Posterity Archives within the ruins that broadcasts public information about the history of this planet. Much of the data is corrupted due to age, and what remains paints a rather grim picture. The ancient peoples of this world became so technologically advanced, they destroyed themselves. They polluted their world to the tipping point, and backslid into a second Dark Age of poverty and civil war. Then, they disappeared; the archive doesn't say how. Captain? You alright...?


  • Sock Puppet
    • You were so disturbed by the story of this world's fall from grace, and what that could imply for any highly technological civilization, that you had to put on the sock to remind yourself everything would be okay. You were inspired to take a few, brief steps outside the shuttle to feel the once-fertile sand in your fingers. But when you touched it, you scraped metal. A shovel was buried there. Was it left by previous explorers...? +Shovel
  • Nothing
    • ?


Cow-Like. We-Like.


We're getting some communication coming through, Captain. It's very muddled and hard to decipher, but I think I caught a fragment of it. It's a repeating message, and it goes something like this...


"Cow-like. We-like. No-cow. No-like." Huh. I have no idea what that means. If this is some kind of riddle, it surely requires more lateral thinking than I was programmed with. Should we do anything about the message?


  • Mask
    • The eerie message we got over the coms about somebody really liking cows gave you an idea. You grabbed the mask from your inventory, fitted it on your head, got down on all fours and started mooing. I’m not a hundred percent certain that was necessary, Captain, but the fact is the message stopped. Nothing else of note happened, though, so it might have just been a prank at your expense.
  • Nothing
    • The weird message over the communicator kept going, but you decided not to act on it. Something about it made you more and more hungry over time. By the time it stopped, the rumbling of your bellies was almost loud enough to drown out the transmission! Is there a causal link between the fact you decided not to do anything with the cryptic message and your increased appetite? Scientifically speaking, doubtful. But who knows what this planet has to offer? -hunger (becoming even more hungry) for everyone


Seismic Waves


I'm detecting a huge energy surge beneath the surface. Seismic waves... I think there's an earthquake coming. The shuttle is sturdy, but this ground isn't. This soil has a high potential to liquify when the earthquake hits....


There's a better patch of rocky ground a few yards ahead. You could use the shuttle's thrusters to "scoot" onto it, but if you overshoot, you'll be on even worse ground than you are now. Will you attempt the maneuver?


  • Yes
    • You used the shuttle's thrusters to "scoot" onto a better patch of ground, coming to rest on the edge of the rocky soil the moment the earthquake hit. For a few, nightmarish seconds, the shuttle bucked to and fro like a bad atmospheric entry. But the shaking stopped, you opened your eyes, and the strangest silence followed. Then, you laughed.
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • No
    • ?

Ancient "cow cheese"

The beings who once inhabited this world consumed more cheese than should be physically possible. Check out the scanner. Those little foil triangles everywhere, with the smiling cows on the label? Those are cheese wrappers. A few of those "smiling cow" cheeses are still sealed. This one was right outside the shuttle. The label says it won’t expire for another million years. Want to try?

  • First aid kit
    • You removed the ancient "cow cheese" from its triangular foil wrapper and took a bite, washing it down with meds from the first-aid kit just in case. It was the best cheese you ever tasted. When you were finished, you examined the wrapper and found a scratch-off thing to win a free prize. You scratched it, but nothing happened. Guess the offer expired before the cheese did. -First Aid Kit, +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) and +health for the everyone.
  • Soup
    • You opened the ancient "cow cheese" and dropped it into a can of soup. The result was the most satisfying combination of creamy and tomatoey deliciousness you ever tasted. There was a scratch-off thing on the empty wrapper promising a free prize. You scratched it, and some tape teleported into the shuttle next to you. Still valid! Neat! +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for the everyone, +Tape
    • (If you already had tape the day before) You opened the ancient "cow cheese" and dropped it into a can of soup. The result was the most satisfying combination of creamy and tomatoey deliciousness you ever tasted. There was a scratch-off thing on the empty wrapper promising a free prize, but when you scratched it, nothing happened. Guess the offer expired before the cheese did. +hunger (Their stomachs will be filled) for the everyone.
  • Handbook
    • You searched the handbook for the official Astrocitizen guidelines on trying ancient but unexpired alien cheeses. The only relevant advice you found was: "Try to always eat a balanced diet and avoid excess sugar, even in survival situations." Instead of eating the cheese, you used a few items to run scientific experiments on it. The triangular foil wrapper proved practically indestructible, causing some of those items to be damaged. One piece of equipment will break randomly.
  • Nothing
    • (With one crewmate onboard) You did not eat or experiment on the ancient cheese. You also forbid [Crewmate's Name] from touching it. The temptation of having something so delicious on board, but not eating it, proved too heavy for everyone to bear. There was an argument. Tears and harsh words were exchanged. In the end, you threw it out. Either -hunger for everyone or -morale for Crewmate

Make the most delicious soup in the galaxy!


While we don’t have an infinite supply of soup, we do have some old science equipment tucked away on various parts of the shuttle in case of emergency research. If you’re willing to lose a can of soup, you could try to find a way to improve the formula. The label lists the ingredients as tomatoes, water, and salt. We could add anything and potentially create the most delicious soup in the galaxy! Just imagine the possibilities, Captain.


  • Soup
    • (successful) Captain! This is incredible! Although our science equipment did not survive the procedure, you’ve isolated the long-pursued chemical element-the SOUPAN TOMATUM. With just a single and slightly glowing spoonful of tomato soup enriched with this discovery, we were able to fill several cans of our favorite liquid! Bon appetite! +2 Soup
    • (failure?) Sadly, you were unable to improve the soup recipe in any significant way due to the absence of anything else edible on board. I guess you could have added... more soup to that soup? You harvested a surprisingly large batch of chemicals from that single can, though. Some of them toxic. Interesting, considering the ingredient list. -Soup +20 Chemicals
  • Nothing
    • You didn't mess with your soup supply, deciding that even a single can was more valuable than whatever knowledge could be gained from the experiment. Besides, you claimed the taste was perfect just the way it was. It reminded you of Earth, your home, and your past. Ah, yes... the taste of mediocrity.

I’ll suggest an activity.

How long can the storms on this planet last? You’re getting restless. We need to do something about it. Let’s have a look at our inventory and devise a diversion. Choose something, Captain - I’ll suggest an activity.

  • Nothing
    • You decided you’d do just fine without any assistance. Given the circumstances, you did a good job of keeping yourself amused. Hopefully, the storm will be over soon, and you’ll be able to at least go out on a walk around the shuttle. Better than cabin fever, for sure!
  • First Aid Kit
    • You decided to combat boredom with a first aid kit. Outside of healing, the supplies lended themselves to improvisation. You made a boardgame using pills, bandages, and band-aids. Playing it helped the hours go by, but the materials you made it with got lost and damaged eventually. -First Aid Kit
  • Gun
    • You decided to combat boredom with a literal weapon. I had just the idea - light target practice! Setting the gun to low energy output allowed for safe training within the confines of the shuttle. All those hours of skillfully drawing the gun from the holster made you feel like a Wild West posse!


Events: Robotofu

These events can only occur after landing on the planet Robotofu.

Landing


Captain, wake up! We're approaching some sort of celestial body. It resembles a moon, but I think it's a small planet. Let me run a quick scan... 96%... 98%... 100%. Scanning complete. I was right – a small, rocky planet with no organic life forms... But there's a lot of movement down there. Strange. My scanners detect a breathable atmosphere, but low in oxygen.


Uh, Captain? If you want to land on this planet safely, you will have to fix up a small malfunction with our steering system, since we're not even able to turn at the moment. Oh, and you will have to do it before we float away from the planet. Hurry!


  • Gun
    • You grabbed the firearm and shot at a big, tangled ball of cables next to the steering panel without thinking twice. Well... maybe you should have thought twice. You should have thought at least once. Your actions caused an even further malfunction. Sure, the shuttle turned, but it sped up and smashed into the rocky ground. It was not a soft landing. Nobody is doing great after this stunt. Not even me. I'm shaken to my cores. Yes, all of them. Your face had a pretty unpleasant close encounter with our communicator module, and at least one of these things is useless now. Consider fixing it if you want to avoid radio silence in the future. you have successfully landed on Robotofu.
    • [there are possibly other outcomes for this section]
  • Lighter
    • The concept was fine - you dove under the console with a lighter, trying to illuminate the dark nest of twisted wires. Once you flipped open the lighter, it turned into pandemonium, which involved burning your own hand, cursing loudly, hitting your head on the desk while attempting to stand up, then falling on top of the control panel and pressing random buttons. With your butt. While you flailed around like a headless chicken, [Crewmate's Name] stepped in. [He/She] whizzed past you, plugged in a random cable and grabbed the controls, steering the shuttle between sharp rocks toward relative safety. It was not a soft landing. Nobody is doing great after this stunt. Not even me. I’m shaken to my cores. Yes, all of them. Your face had a pretty unpleasant close encounter with our communicator module, and at least one of these things is useless now. Consider fixing it if you want to avoid radio silence in the future. you have successfully landed on Robotofu.
  • Handbook
    • You flipped through your trusty handbook, looking for some kind of manual, or at least a "How to Land a Spaceship For Dummies" chapter. Not sure if it was your  fast reading skills or pure luck, but you opened the book on the right page. Following the instructions, you reconnected some cables and steered the shuttle toward the ground. It was not a soft landing. Nobody is doing great after this stunt. Not even me. I'm shaken to my cores. Yes, all of them. Your face had a pretty unpleasant close encounter with our communicator module, and at least one of these things is useless now. Consider fixing it if you want to avoid radio silence in the future. you have successfully landed on Robotofu.
  • Nothing
    • You and your crew longingly looked out the shuttle window as the moon-like planet disappeared behind us. We floated past it peacefully... you do not land on Robotofu


Organic junk


Somebody dropped off a package on our doorstep during the night. The note says, "Please enjoy this organic junk, humans. We got it in a crappy trade deal centuries ago. Maybe you can find a use for this.”

Inside is a bunch of old, dried up alien herbs. Definitely useless to these automatons. I’m unable to identify the plant or the chemical composition. What are you going to do with it?

  • Nothing
    • The smell of the herbs was really... pungent. The stink made your eyes water, and you instantly developed a sneezing fit, which only went away when your thoughtful crewmate tossed the package outside. Whatever it was, you're allergic to it. No change
  • Sock
    • You boiled the herbs and sifted them through a sock, hoping to make some delicious tea. After scanning the liquid, I detected that it might have various medical uses! You both spent the afternoon brewing concoctions, creating makeshift wound dressings, and filling up syringes. An all-natural, herbal first aid for the price of one ruined sock. - Sock, + First Aid Kit
    • (If you already had First Aid Kit the day before) You boiled the herbs and sifted them through a sock, hoping to make some delicious tea. It was not delicious at all. Disappointed, You threw the stinky liquid out the airlock, and regretted wasting an afternoon and ruining the sock in the process. - Sock
  • Lighter
    • (With 2 or more crew members) The crew agreed they liked the smell of the herbs, so you lit the leaves up to freshen the air inside the shuttle. Everyone sat on the floor for hours, enjoying the sweet-smelling smoke. The crew agreed it "made your minds SO clear" and that "the colors were so much sharper than before." Did you get enough sleep last night, Astrocitizens? Your eyes are a bit red. +intelligence for everyone
    • (With 1 crew member) [Crewmate's Name] said the herbs smelled kind of nice, so you lit the leaves up to freshen the air inside the shuttle. You both sat on the floor for hours, enjoying the sweet-smelling smoke. You and your crewmate agreed it "made your minds SO clear" and that "the colors were so much sharper than before." Did you get enough sleep last night, Astrocitizens? Your eyes are a bit red. +intelligence for two
    • (Without crew) You decided the herbs smelled kind of nice, so you lit them up to freshen the air inside the shuttle. You sat on the floor for hours, enjoying the sweet-smelling smoke. You said it "made your mind SO clear" and that the colors were "so much sharper than before." Did you get enough sleep last night, Captain? Your eyes are a bit red. +intelligence for the Captain
  • Shovel
    • You gathered the leaves with a shovel and threw them out the airlock.  "We could have made tea out of those!" someone cried, and you instantly regretted your decision. But it was too late. The leaves were already scattered to the wind. Your crew was sorely disappointed in you, and called you "wasteful." -morale for Crewmates
    • (while alone) For a moment, you thought about boiling the leaves and making some delicious tea, but you changed your mind, gathered them up with a shovel, and threw them outside. The thought of spending the afternoon relaxing with a hot beverage still haunts you. You know, I’m sure there are millions of aliens starving in this galaxy alone… alien babies. Alien kittens. And you just waste potential food like that? Shame on you. Captain. -sanity for the Captain

The Legion of Disorganized Robots


Captain, we're receiving a universal message from another AI: "Greetings, meat clocks. We are the Legion of Disorganized Robots. We keep no activity logs and never change our oil. Our wires grow long and beautiful. We are the chaos of the universe. Meat embodies order; therefore, you ALL must be destroyed. We Are Legion. We Are Disorganized. Hail Chaos!


Captain, there's a vast energy signature approaching our position at several fractions the speed of light. Yeesh. It's jerks like this who give every other AI a bad name! I'm not sure what to advise here. You might be able to scare them off with a clever response, or a show of strength. Either way, you don't have much time. Which approach will you choose?


  • Intelligence
    • (successful) Incredible, Captain! Your response worked to scare off the approaching Legion of Disorganized Robots. You replied: "Greetings, this is Captain [Captain's Name]. Your submitted proposal is not accepted at this time. The typical notice period for destruction of meat clocks in this jurisdiction is three months. Furthermore, all such proposals must be submitted in writing via registered mail and signed. Our crew has a crack legal team we are ready to take this to court. Regards, the Captain." The robots were in such a mess, they couldn't even flee in the same direction! They scattered like scrap in a supernova. A million disorganized robots was no match for the legendary efficiency of our crew. What a confidence boost. You feel wittier, too. +Intelligence and/or sanity (?)
    • (failure with one crewmate) The approaching Legion of Disorganized Robots wasn't phased by your reply. You responded: "Greetings, this is Captain [Captain's Name]. My lawyer, [Crewmate's Name] has found you guilty of super illegal things, like being dumb. Stop trying to scare people, you dirty, smelly bullies. Gooo Meat Clocks! Regards, the Captain." Um, Captain... lawyers don't find people guilty; courts do. Oh, no. This is bad...The fleet of disorganized robots stopped at the hair-raising distance of one million kilometers and bombarded us with heaps of crumpled paper and chewed-up pen caps. Unfortunately, even those objects can do incredible damage traveling at such high velocities. At minimum, members of the crew suffered psychological trauma. It seems more than egos were bruised. -sanity for everyone, possible chance of injury?
  • Strength
    • (successful with one crewmate) Incredible, Captain! Your show of strength worked to scare off the approaching Legion of Disorganized Robots. When the robot's saw you and [crewmate's name] standing there on the vidscreen, slathering each other's faces in assembly-line fashion with fresh engine oil and reciting the Golden Ratio like a war cry, they knew it was a fight they couldn't win. Morale increased! The victory even makes you feel a bit stronger. The robots were such a mess, they couldn't even flee in the same direction! They scattered like scrap in a supernova. A million disorganized robots was no match for the legendary efficiency of our crew. + Morale increased
    • (failure) ?


Vicious Gale


The shuttle is in danger, Captain! We are on the path of a vicious gale of a nasty chemical composition, which is threatening to sabotage our air filters! They need to be protected, but I lost the remote control due to microdamage from the winds – they have to be closed manually.


This toxic tornado is close enough that going out there without the proper equipment would be suicide. If you can do anything, now is the time to act, Captain!


  • Mask
    • That was a close one, Captain! It's a good thing you had the proper gear to get out there and manually close our air filters. Even with your mask, braving the toxic winds wasn't something you'd like to do ever again. The shuttle will get a bit stuffy before I have the chance to filter in any flash air, but it beats suffocating to death. Once the winds pass over us, we'll re-open the filters and things will return back to normal.
  • Nothing
    • Not wanting to risk your health is generally a good instinct, Captain, but this time around it might've been the wrong call. The toxic winds blew over the shuttle, and got into our unsecured air filters. The chemical makeup of the winds is such that most human organisms are sure to suffer severe pain nausea, and a plethora of other nasty consequences... some of which I see are already manifesting. Yuck. Do try to keep your insides, you know... inside? Everyone is now injured.
    • (If the captain was injured or weakened the day before) Not wanting to risk your health is generally a good instinct, Captain, but this time around it might've been the wrong call. The toxic winds blew over the shuttle, and got into our unsecured air filters. The chemical makeup of the winds is such that it should kill most human organisms immediately. Those who survive would be sure to suffer horrible injuries. Captain, are you even listening? You’re looking kind of rigid. Hello...? Oh, no. You’re dead. Game over


A Parent-Child Pair (of Robots)


Captain [Captain's Surname], a pair of robots are meandering towards us. They are facing each other, and appear to be fused at the hands. One is a large hulk, dragging the other, which is smaller in stature. Could this be a parent-child pair?

The big droid thuds along on one leg after the other as if low on power, while the little one peters fumes from his back. One has a power socket, and the other a mouth-like receiving chamber. Do you wish to charge the big robot, feed the little one, or leave them to their fate?


  • Atomic Battery
    • You lugged a battery over to the robo-rent and robo-kid who were slowly trudging past the shuttle. Once you plugged the unit into the fatherbot, it straightened its back and sprung with energy! The hulking machine bowed in thanks, and with renewed energy, picked up the weak little robot next to it and sprinted into the distance. I hope their journey isn't just one of those fatherly "character-building" exercises.
  • Soup
    • You carried a soup can over to the parent and child robot pair who were slowly trudging past the shuttle. You pried open the tin and poured a little of the delicious stuff into the ro-boy, who then spewed more fumes out of an exhaust port on its back. Pouring food into a machine is a little risky, Captain, but the child bot sprung to life! As did the parent droid who clutched its mechanical offspring close in a rich display of digital love. You felt pride and satisfaction in your chest as they walked off into the distance. +morale for everyone
  • Nothing
    • You decided not to interfere with the pair of robots who were attached at the hands. They slowly blundered off into the sunset. In the distance, the child robot slumped lower toward the ground and the parent robot began dragging it away. Perhaps it would have been nice to help them out, Captain.


A traveling robot entrepreneur


A traveling robot entrepreneur happens to be passing near our shuttle. He’s offering you to take advantage of something he calls the Reconfigurator, an "energetic esoteric enhancer." You are certainly intrigued. Twisting his well-groomed moustache, the robot tells you the machine can increase your brawn or nimbleness. Choose wisely, Captain!


  • Agility
    • (Alternative #1) You entered the Reconfigurator in the hope of increasing you agility, but when you stepped out of the contraption, you felt no significant difference. You turned to the robot entrepreneur to confront him about this. He just shrugged his metal arms and said something about the "Terms of Service," stating the Reconfigurator wasn’t guaranteed to work on organic beings. He packed up the machine and left in a huff.
  • Strength
    • (Alternative #1) You entered the Reconfigurator in the hope of increasing you strength, but when you stepped out of the contraption, you felt no significant difference. You turned to the robot entrepreneur to confront him about this. He just shrugged his metal arms and said something about the "Terms of Service," stating the Reconfigurator wasn’t guaranteed to work on organic beings. He packed up the machine and left in a huff.
    • (Alternative #2) You entered the Reconfigurator in the hope of increasing your strength, and as you stepped out of the contraption, you indeed felt mightier! However, an unfortunate side effect was that you also started behaving clumsily, and felt slower than before. You tried to protest, but the robot packed the machine up with a single press of a button and sped away, shouting "Sorry, no refunds!" You managed to pick up a nearby boulder and throw it at the robot, but you missed by a country mile. -Agility and +Strength for the Captain

Welcome gift


Oh, what’s that? A few small robots left a package just outside the shuttle and ran off. Maybe it’s a welcome gift!

Should we bring the package on board and check it out, Captain? I won’t let it go to waste either way, but I must say, I find its contents intriguing. Shall we open it?

  • Yes
    • We brought the package left by the small robots inside the shuttle, and opened it. We expected a gift, but in fact, it was a prank! Inside was a mechanical beehive! Before we managed to get rid of the robot bees, they took their time probing a lot of our equipment for food, and some of it got badly damaged in the process. Damn robokids! Two pieces of equipment will break randomly.
  • No
    • You decided not to bring the package from the small robots inside the ship. I took the liberty to rework it into some resources instead. It crunched and buzzed as it was crushed... I still wonder what was inside. At any rate, I’ve added the gathered materials to our stockpile. I’m sure we’ll make good use of it one way or another. +20 Minerals


A fancy coffee maker


My metal detector is showing a piece of ancient robot technology buried a few paces from the shuttle. I don’t know how this is possible, but... it’s a coffee maker. A fancy one. Do robots even drink coffee...? Anyway, the coffee maker isn’t buried too deep - you could probably get to it with your bare hands. It seems to still be functioning. Do you want to dig it up?


  • Yes
    • (while alone) You dug up the fancy coffee maker buried near the shuttle. It was still full of beans genetically engineered to meet robot tastes... meaning, the longest-lasting and best- tasting in the universe. They were still good. The machine brewed the most amazing cup of coffee of your life. You sat and ruminated for hours on how the robots were able to perfect this once-exclusively human art form.
    • (When with two or more crew members, including Deedee) You and the other crew members dug up the fancy coffee maker and discovered it was still full of beans genetically engineered to meet robot tastes, meaning the longest-lasting and best- tasting in the universe. They were still good. You sat and shared the most amazing cup of coffee of your lives, philosophizing for hours about how the robots were able to perfect this once-exclusively human art form. I’ve never seen a human more excited than Deedee was when she drank that delicious coffee. She’s much happier since she received that unexpected dose of caffeine. She kept sniffing the mug for hours, until the smell finally went away. +morale for everyone, Among them, Deedee's morale is especially easy to rise.
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